NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

UK-Biscuit

Hundreds of Page 3 girls released from captivity

Carly, 19, from Essex has a thing or two to say about it...Hundreds of Page 3 girls were seen fleeing from The Sun offices today. It is thought some may have escaped from their captors while others were freed as The Mail Online closed in on its territory. The two groups have recently been engaged in a fierce battle, forcing The Sun to retreat to the moral high-ground.

One witness described the scene as ‘chaos’ as the girls, many of them emaciated, half-clothed and barely out of childhood, ran from the paper’s headquarters in Fleet Street and were bundled into nearby taxis. Nothing is known of the fate of a smaller number of Page 7 fellas previously abducted from various stripping dance troupes, who remain missing.

Read more >



‘We don’t like you either’, sprouts tell humans

give peas a chanceBrussels sprouts have issued a Christmas message today stating that the feelings of loathing and distaste people have for them is entirely mutual.

Read more >



Party of teachers finally settles restaurant bill from 2013 Christmas lunch

still arguing over 'afters'After a year of painful negotiations, a group of teachers has today finally agreed how to allocate the bill from their 2013 Christmas lunch, just in time to book into the same restaurant for their 2014 event.  ‘I know it sounds like a small sum to those in the private sector,’ said one member of the group, ‘but there was an important principle at stake: I didn’t have a starter and Eric had two glasses of wine.  And I won’t even mention a certain person who isn’t even a teacher, she’s just a supply, yet she had a Black Forest gateau that wasn’t even on the set menu.  She clearly doesn’t do things by half. Except with her job.’

Read more >



Met Office warns of a warm Christmas

chestnuts to be roasted in the sunshine on the patio‘It’s probable that some areas are going to experience double digit temperatures over Christmas,’ conceded a Met Office official today. ‘We think it could be due to a warm southerly front or the new supercomputer overheating, but there is a real risk of a warm Christmas, with grey skies and light drizzle. You know, like the last 45 Christmases everywhere outside the Scottish Highlands, only a bit warmer still.’

Read more >



‘Here comes the big aeroplane’ parents given all-clear to resume feeding

still concerns that Mr Choo-Choo could be affected by leavesYoung mothers across Southern England breathed a collective sigh of relief after Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt announced that so-called ‘Here comes the big aeroplane’ spoon-feeding techniques could safely resume.

Read more >