After spending many years reading satirical news articles online in between looking up real news stories online, Joseph Capgrass, 38, of Ipswich has confessed that he has lost the ability to tell the difference between real and parody news coverage. It has left his world in tatters.
Hen parties, tree-bound felines and infernos throughout the UK have been put at risk by the paucity of ‘fit’ fire-fighters. Those in active service are expected to pass strident examinations in ‘oxygen consumption’, ‘body waxing’ and use of ‘double entendre’. Not only have 10% of the UK’s fire service recently failed an exercise test, but most have displayed allergies to baby oil, thongs and Velcro.
The world’s most visited news website, Mail Online, is to be fitted with a special panic button that readers can use to express their sense of moral outrage. Clicking the button will automatically notify the relevant authorities that Daily Mail readers are upset and that ‘something must be done’.