A journalist been held at Heathrow by the Guardian Style Editor for wearing a shirt ‘in a colour associated with last season’s menswear’. He was questioned for eight hours, the maximum possible under the Guardian’s style guide which governs how staff dress, as well as what they write. The journalist is thought to have dramatic unseen information related to the US National Security Agency and its relations with GCHQ. Delays to its publication could be serious, according to a foreign news correspondent from the paper. The accused shirt may have to be destroyed. It’s understood to be from Next.
The parents of Billy Ackleton, a 10 year old firearms expert from Strood, say they’re ‘pleased to have him back’ after his extended tour of duty in the virtual deserts and ghost towns of cyberdoom, adding that they were ‘not worried at all about whether he would make it.’
But as family and friends lined the balloon and bunting clad upstairs landing of the two bed terraced house close to the high street, anticipation of his return changed to rapturous cheers of joy as the knurled brass handle of the pine effect bedroom door turned and the talented kid finally emerged.
His father Jimmy, said proudly, ‘I knew he’d do just fine. He’s always had a keen interest in guns ever since he could walk, and after I let him watch Pulp Fiction on his fourth birthday, it seemed only to cement his love of gun-toting violence from then on.
Wandsworth Prison is traditionally an ethnically diverse working class part of London, and for years was strenuously avoided by the well-to-do. Now, however, an influx of MPs, game show hosts, TV presenters and other celebrities is, according to many long term residents, changing the traditional character of the jail.
Minister David Willetts was pleased to announce a third for-profit institution has been granted the title of university. The School of Hard Knocks has a reputation for low fees, a broad curriculum, and high mortality rates. Their courses will ‘inspire the young’, ‘cull the weak’ and have significantly ‘lower over-heads’ than any undergraduate course in biochemistry.