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Russian cannibal rats ghost ship spotted in Staines High Street

Fears of bubonic plague were played down today by Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, Eric Pickles.
‘As long as I’m in control there is no cause for panic.” he said. “I deal with cannibal rats in the House of Commons on a daily basis.’

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Commuters beg Unions to extend tube strike

the fresh air, the view, the mayor of London cycling by...London commuters begged London transport unions tonight to extend the current 48 hour tube strike indefinitely, citing “an immeasurable improvement to our quality of life and general well-being” since suspension of services began.

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Government to step in to deal with floods of tax returns

The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open, and GCHQ will temporarily lift surveillance activities to ensure there are no blockages.

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Shearer under investigation for prolonged use of ‘inverse quenelle’ celebration

Legendary ex-England footballer, turned-pundit, Alan Shearer, could face retrospective action if found guilty of a career’s use of the so-called ‘inverse-quenelle’ salute as his celebration for scoring.

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Bayeux Tapestry ‘contains world’s first photobomb’

1066, and all thatAn astonishing solution has emerged to a mystery that has long vexed historians of the Battle of Hastings in 1066.

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