UK-Biscuit
Britain’s only wardrobe inspector has announced that he is hanging up his tapping gloves after the ‘umpteenth’ beating from a jealous husband left him with several fractured ribs and serious facial injuries.
Every woman in Britain can now receive a free, independent evaluation of her body simply by sending The Daily Mail a photograph of herself in a bikini. The body appraisal service will be made available to every woman so long as she agrees to have her picture published alongside a list of ‘constructive criticisms’.
It is understood that the Government has taken steps to ensure that the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations will not be marred by her untimely death by engaging the services of Helen Mirren to stand in, if necessary, reprising her award-winning role in ‘The Queen’.
Unite Leader Len McCluskey has today called on his members to ‘show up at work and make sure things go smoothly’ in a bid to disrupt this year’s Olympic games in London.
Environmentalists have launched a scathing attack on a new North London school after it was built precariously on the summit of an imported Welsh foot-hill, giving school-run parents a proper excuse to own 4x4s.
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