Italian football fans were delighted to see an audacious extradition offer being made for the American ‘off-the-shoulder striker’. The transfer deal is said to eclipse the $4m paid for Ms. Knox’s memoirs, although it is still subject to a full medical, confession and DNA swab.
‘Whether your name is Schmidt, Weiss, Kruft, Jaeger or Heinemann you may be in particular danger,’ said safety official, Klaus Von Gruber at a press conference in the resort of St Moritz today. ‘As a precaution we are urging you to keep away from the Alps or other snow-capped regions around the world.’
Photographs of the lunar surface taken while the ‘Jade Rabbit’ probe was in orbit and further investigations on the ground have now been analysed and show that areas where US landings were thought to have taken place reveal a surface untouched by man, and no sign of any golf activity whatsoever.
Presidential polls have closed in a small island in the Eastern Mediterranean that has been the subject of on-off warfare between two countries, neither of whom want it, and which has therefore been forced to go independent.
North Korea has announced that it has once again proven the superiority of its socialist system by having its Christmas dinner family argument earlier than any other country in the world. ‘Great Successor’ Kim Jon-un has ‘decisively pre-empted’ any potential disruption or family dissent over the forthcoming festive period by having his uncle Chang Song-thaek executed.