Presidential polls have closed in a small island in the Eastern Mediterranean that has been the subject of on-off warfare between two countries, neither of whom want it, and which has therefore been forced to go independent.
North Korea has announced that it has once again proven the superiority of its socialist system by having its Christmas dinner family argument earlier than any other country in the world. ‘Great Successor’ Kim Jon-un has ‘decisively pre-empted’ any potential disruption or family dissent over the forthcoming festive period by having his uncle Chang Song-thaek executed.
‘We’re not sure exactly how this happened,’ said Chesney Benson, head of the JFK Assassination Society, ‘but we suspect foul play. One of our men, dressed as Lee Harvey Oswald, was in position at the Texas School Book Depository and was just about to shoot a man dressed as President Kennedy, when a number of other shots were simultaneously fired.’