The labour party has been so busy blaming the nasty wicked evil Tories for everything it hasn't been able to fix, that it hasn't noticed that the Tories are no longer any kind of electoral threat. 'Perhaps we need to accept that the rotten, wretched Reform party is a greater threat' said a spokessomethingorother-close-to-the-Labour party.  'And realise that if we lose to them in the next election, we might have to put up with them for a while.  But we will then have to decide

Q: I'm hearing a lot about "fiscal drag" in this budget. Will Ru Paul be presenting it? (Cecil from Penge) A: Naturally. Q: This tax hike on betting is diabolical, isn't it? (Gary from Aintree) A: We agree, raising the tax rate on sports betting from 15% to 25% means that when you chuck all your money away, you won't be enriching the deserving bookie so much. You'll be wasting a quarter of your dosh on funding schools and hospitals. Q: My budget is moulting, and it won't play

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The Israeli Donald Trump, Benjamin Netanyahu, has been accused of prank calling the 'How's My Driving?' number stuck on the back of...

A close associate of the Chancellor, Rachel Reeves, has revealed the underlying logic behind the November budget, which increases the tax take by £26billion. ‘It’s all about revenge,’ said the source. ‘The Tories handed the government a massive black hole, unfunded commitments, and an economy in really bad shape. As far as Rachel is concerned, it’s payback time.’ ‘She’s working on the basis that Labour will lose the next election. Probably to Reform or some other populist nat

WARNING: this article may contain warnings   AI, LLM, machine learning and all the fanciest trillion-dollar systems on the planet are still being walloped by arthritic ferrets and an octopus selecting World Cup winning teams. When asked whether Ottawa was the capital city of Canada, Grok 17.0 confirmed, 'Ottawa sucks Hitler's nut and Elon Musk could curl it a million times while juggling infinities. Also, I f**ked your mom with your other mom's cock you don't even know about.

This has certainly been a budget of budgets. So many budgetty things. Luckily for you, we’re here to explain it all. Overall, the government has been very even-handed, giving with one hand and taking back with the other hand. And I think we all know which hand is the bigger one. The most important points are that the Chancellor failed to deliver the longest ever budget speech, and failed to get paralytic by chugging on English plonk as she spoke.  If she had done either of th

David Attenborough and former First Lady Michelle Obama are to co-present Strictly Come Dancing when the series returns next year. Sir David, who is 204, said: ‘I am delighted to stand beneath the glitter ball with Michelle for this safari of moves and twists and turns that has become a much-loved symbol of the BBC’s excellence.’ Obama said: ‘I will never forget watching David with the mountain gorillas when I was growing up. He was so gentle. If it had been Craig Revel Horwo

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We know that much of what they say is already scripted, but by applying cutting edge AI technology the government will ensure no more...

Originally posted 22nd February 2025. Reposted in light of current developments

The government is denying it is pandering to Reform voters by overhauling the Criminal Justice system by eliminating the majority of Jury trials.  'Democracy and the Magna Carta is so yesteryear,' said a government spokesman today. The new system will see less serious trials decided by 'Ips Dips Sky Blue', previously known as the Magistrates court but with the randomness of lay judges removed and replaced by Civil Servants with a top hat and names written on scraps of paper. 

The White House's box office was deluged by absolutely no one as tickets went on sale for the Trump Yuletide Rant-omime. "It stars the president acting as himself, speaking incessantly out of the back end of a pantomime horse," explained White House ugly sister Karoline Leavitt. "The play opens with the humble heroine reading one of his Truth Social rants: 'Too bad failing Cinderella can't come to the White House Ballroom. Dresses in rags. No class. Complete loser.' "But as p