The cross-party House of Commons Monopoly Club, notorious for its disruptive behaviour, is in trouble with the House Authorities. After a series of raucous disputes, violent incidents and conduct unbecoming, the Club has been banned from meeting in the House. An insider told us that Monopoly Club members were always arguing about the rules, often dividing along party lines. Tory players were strongly in favour of other players going directly to jail, but felt that they should

A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler. White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a fu

With the many vacillations regarding recent backpedalling involving previously leaked Treasury Department policies and plans, No.10 has been forced into making a strong rebuttal Liz Truss was brought in as a SPAD with a specific brief to advise on the upcoming Budget. A Labour Party spokesperson said, 'Look, we understand these rumours, albeit Ms. Truss's methods were perhaps considerably better conceived than Rachel's, nevertheless, the Chancellor wishes to state categorical

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In a fresh wave of frenzied speculation, journalists announced today that they still have no idea what will be in Rachel Reeves’ budget next week.   'It’s actually quite annoying,' said Quentin Hack of the Daily Heil. 'The government, as always, haven’t said in advance what they’re going to do. But somehow my editor expects frequent ‘updates’ on something that was a complete non-story in the first place. 'So let’s see… obviously public services need more money… but is an alr

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West Limpley District Council has admitted to creating 23 miles of cycle lanes in order to save money. The council has previously been...

Half the lights on the White House Christmas tree are not working due to federal cutbacks affecting electricity supply. But President Trump still insists the tree is visible from outer space. 'We have a tree,' he told reporters, 'And it is a very fine tree, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s maybe 3,000-feet tall. In fact, I think it’s the tallest tree that has ever been seen, and you know it’s a beautiful thing this tree, it’s really a beautiful thing.' Staff at the National Parks

Andy Burnham is undecided whether to become leader of the New Labour Party, the Alternative Labour Party, the Official Labour Party, the Special Labour Party, the Original Labour Party, the National Labour Party, Your Labour Party, the Reformed Labour Party, the Restructured Labour Party, the Re-Configured Labour Party, the Resurrected Labour Party, Not-The-Conservative Labour Party, the Liberal-Labour-Democrat Party or the Real Labour Party. In response, Sir Keir Starmer iss

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The Home Secretary made it clear she had zero tolerance for illegal immigrants- particularly the furry variety that $hit in woods. In a TV outburt Shabana Mahmood, accused Paddington of being a bear of military age, determined to come over here and rape our marmalade. Her aide said. 'I don't care how he got here, small boat or the pen of Michael Bond - that little work-shy Peruvian ba$tard is getting the boot.' This follows the UK adopting Denmark's strident anti-immigration

New research published today reveals the average wait in the queue of your local post office is more stressful than trying to navigate...

'We've entrusted the BBC's governors to oversee our defence against President Trump's libel suit,' said a spokes-antenna for the corporation, 'and that almost definitely means we'll lose the case and have to pay him a fortune. 'With that in mind," continued the spokes-cheque, "we're replacing our regular TV schedule with an exciting new economy line of programmes. 'East Enders will be replaced with Ceased Enders, where viewers can watch scene shifters take apart the set on Al

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Rats in Birmingham have gone on strike in support of striking agency workers called in to clear the garbage left by striking council refuse officers ahead of a new team of agency workers hired to clear the backlog left by the previous teams until they too say enough is enough, everybody out. 'Basically, if there’s a strike by anyone that prolongs the amount of time rubbish is left on the street, then we support it,' said Rodney Rattus, president of the Rats union Norvegicus.