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Lego to Replace Bitcoin - and other stories


NewsBiscuit – the media outlet that brought such scoops as ‘Queen punches Emma Watson’, ‘Dog wins custody of Johnny Depp’ & ‘Piers Morgan beheaded by CNN’.


NewsBiscuit – who warned ‘Hobbits to be culled’, ‘Ducks to become our new Overlords’ and ‘Public told not to download naked photos of Steven Seagal’.


NewsBiscuit - raising delicate issues of faith, such as 'Child finds Jesus in her Kinder Surprise™', 'Jedis still outnumber Nuns' and 'Pope fails to give birth'.


NewsBiscuit – the first to reveal ‘Last man to fake Moon walk dies’, ‘Chocolate bars aren’t smaller, we’re just fatter’ and the prophetic 'Sex originated in Scotland and will probably end there'.


NewsBiscuit. Not a biscuit. Definitely not news.


Another backdated compilation of NewsBiscuit from befgore the start of time - or shortly after



REVIEWS


W. Shakespeare: ‘If only I’d thought of it first.’


Johannes Gutenberg: ‘It’s what the printing press was invented for.’


Amazon Reviewer: ‘What do you mean I can’t get a refund?’


Lego to Replace Bitcoin makes a great gift for your friends and for yourself





Five Go Dobbing in the Neighbours


Uncle Quentin was seen in Smuggler’s Cove, without a mask,’ exclaimed Julian.


‘What a frightful bore,’ said George. ‘Doesn’t he know that Timmy has an undying medical condition? He keeps eating poisoned food’.


They said it couldn’t be done. A new NewsBiscuit annual. Or maybe it was ‘shouldn’t’. That’s right, it shouldn’t be done. In fact, there was a petition. Maybe a march or two? Now that I think about it, there was a Court Order. People chaining themselves to railings. The threat of a military coup.


But we said to hell with them. We were going to publish. Regardless of the suffering and derisory sales. If we could get Brexit done, how hard would it be to write a NewsBiscuit book?


BTW how’s the Brexit thing going?


From the same team that brought you 'Fifteen Years of Typos' comes an extensive anthology of twelve months of fake news from the UKs original fake news site, Newsbiscuit. Over 800 carefully curated comedy fake news articles and more than 700 one-line news gags all together in one volume written by some of the funniest and most creative comedy writers known to work for free.


Articles drawn from September 2020 until August 2021, approximately mirroring events in the real world, include:



Bloke in pub to join Cabinet


NATO to tut and shake their heads at Russia


Second wave of press conferences to hit the UK


National Fiasco Memorial built in the wrong place


Coronavirus will be with us for between two years and forever, say scientists


Biden selects Kamala Harris to be his running-mate and carer


Government finally admits it has 'no idea' why we have daylight saving time


and hundreds more


Five Go Dobbing in the Neighbours makes a great gift for friends and to yourself





Best of Newsbiscuit – April 2024

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April 2024


The blue team continued to struggle on in government as speculation about (and betting on) the date of the election continued. Looking back, with 20:20 hindsight, the general view was that the Tories were toast. Burnt toast. This didn’t stop them from taking a hard line on benefits and woke, snowflake, working from home.


Scotland had political problems of its own as the SNP and Green Party ‘consciously uncoupled’, bringing down another SNP leader.


In overseas news, shiny faced David Cameron was inexplicably being Foreign Secretary, and Venice was implementing a tourist tax, as it felt that pizza and ice-cream sellers were getting too much of the action. And the Republicans continued to make things tough for ‘Sleepy Joe’.


Here is a selection of the top stories that month, loosely organised by topic. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines. Recycling is good, right?


UK Politics


US Politics


Overseas News


Other nonsense


Selected headlines from April 2024


Sunak's master plan to win election is to defect to Labour

Struggling acetone manufacturer insolvent

Ofsted's unwillingness to end one word assessments judged - Appalling

Civil servants picket their own gardens in working from home dispute

Humza Yousaf leaves his greens

Grimsby becomes the first city to pay tourists £5 a day to visit

Man who botched making a cup of tea gets a re-straining order

Producers of King Arthur epic say it's not set in stone

Humza, You's Off

Sick notes only to be given out by coroners, says Sunak

Rishi Soon-out

Man who 'lit up every room' buried with his favourite torch

April Fools joke both funny and well executed



Picture credit: Deep Dream Generator

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