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Lego to Replace Bitcoin - and other stories


NewsBiscuit – the media outlet that brought such scoops as ‘Queen punches Emma Watson’, ‘Dog wins custody of Johnny Depp’ & ‘Piers Morgan beheaded by CNN’.


NewsBiscuit – who warned ‘Hobbits to be culled’, ‘Ducks to become our new Overlords’ and ‘Public told not to download naked photos of Steven Seagal’.


NewsBiscuit - raising delicate issues of faith, such as 'Child finds Jesus in her Kinder Surprise™', 'Jedis still outnumber Nuns' and 'Pope fails to give birth'.


NewsBiscuit – the first to reveal ‘Last man to fake Moon walk dies’, ‘Chocolate bars aren’t smaller, we’re just fatter’ and the prophetic 'Sex originated in Scotland and will probably end there'.


NewsBiscuit. Not a biscuit. Definitely not news.


Another backdated compilation of NewsBiscuit from befgore the start of time - or shortly after



REVIEWS


W. Shakespeare: ‘If only I’d thought of it first.’


Johannes Gutenberg: ‘It’s what the printing press was invented for.’


Amazon Reviewer: ‘What do you mean I can’t get a refund?’


Lego to Replace Bitcoin makes a great gift for your friends and for yourself





15 Years of Typos - a NewsBiscuit Anthology


NewsBiscuit (newsbiscuit.com) was created in September 2006 by TV writer and author John O’Farrell to provide the UK with the first British online satire news site. One of the underpinning features of NewsBiscuit that still sets it apart from its competitors is that it exists to allow aspiring comedy writers an environment to develop and hone their skills at no cost to themselves, while providing the UK and beyond with a daily dose of satirical and comedic articles and tickers.


A group of six of the NewsBiscuit editors have assembled and curated over 500 comedic articles and several hundred one line jokes that have been published on the website over the last 15 years, covering topics ranging from UK and World news, Science, Technology, Sport and Faith, plus many more.


All of the articles and one-liners published in this anthology have been granted permission to be reproduced by over 80 contributors free of charge.


15 Years of Typos makes a great gift for friends and, of course, for yourself!





Best of Newsbiscuit - January 2024


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January 2024...


That TV program about the Post Office catapulted the story into the news, almost wiping out speculation about the date of the general election. Sunak tried to raise his profile, and lower Boris’s. Starmer continued to lie low and not say anything to frighten the voters. Water companies continued to muddy the waters over, err, muddy water. Small boats continued to bring people across the channel. You might notice that there are no stories about the various wars that were going on - always a difficult topic for jokes.


Here’s a personal selection of the top stories from January 2024, loosely organised by topic. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see our pick of the month’s best headlines.


Migration

General Election


Media and TV


Politics


Post Office


Water Companies


Religion



And a selection of the best headlines from January 2024


Some of these are topical and some are just silly. And many of the headlines, for some reason, seem to be about the Royal Family. So, no New Year honours for us, then...


Silver Spoon responsible for King's enlarged prostate  

Dog with two dicks, "quite happy" says vet 

Tories to employ Luke Littler to show them how to actually hit targets

All BBC programmes to include a tightrope-walker, for balance

Dodgy batch of underlay swept under the carpet

Drunk Olympics to include hurling for the first time

Man who found plane parts in his garden thought it was a delivery for next door

Man who wanted tablet for Xmas unhappy to get an aspirin   

Man says the 2 birds in the bush were better than the one in his hand

Wales’ biggest employer says Tata

Guitar school found to be institutionally bassist

Epstein fingered Andrew

Darts fans shocked at teenage boy has well honed wrist action

Florida adopts execution by Helium to "lighten the atmosphere"

Post Office scandal: Met Police investigate now that it's been on telly

Hasbro say five year wait for Operation is down to 14 years of Tory government

Northern rhinos saved from extinction by feeding them pies, chips and gravy

Pub football team hit with massive pints deduction       

Blunt pencil collection just pointless

Man who fell into an infinity pool says it took him forever to get out

Vwl thf stll t lrg



Image credit: Wix AI

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