Christmas Cracker Jokes

Here is our seasonal medley of Christmas cracker jokes. Some of them are traditional favourites. And some of them are home groan...

Q. What's the best way to steal treacle?

A. Syruptitiously

Q. What do shepherds put on their walls?

A. Flock wallpaper

Q: What is the most common owl in Britain?

A: The "teet"

Q. What's the most common owl in America?

A. The superb

Q. Why did the crow join the fitness class?

A. To improve his caw strength.

Q. What's E.T. short for?

A. Because he's got little legs!

Q. Which Californian city gave Father Christmas an alternative name?

A. Santa Moniker

Q. How much does a cockney pay for shampoo?

A. Pantene

Q. Where is the best place in the world to sketch Dracula?

A. Pencilvania

Q. What's the difference between a large toilet roll & a small one?

A. On the whole, no difference

Q. What do you call social media for religious people?

A. FaithTime

Q. What's not on Andrew's cake this Christmas?

A. Royal icing

Q. What royals is Andrew having for Christmas lunch?

A. Jersey royals

Q. What's on the Louvre Christmas card this year?

A. A robin

With contributions from deskpilot, granger, hokeyloki, jeremynh, and modelmaker.