Those Reform policies in full
- eppursimuove
- 8 minutes ago
- 2 min read
With Reform gaining so many seats in the local council elections, we present a guide to the Reform policies that we can all expect to benefit from in the coming months and years.
The capital of England to be moved to Thurrock, where the Wetherspoons will become the new Houses of Parliament
White vans to be exempted from road tax, and homes from council tax if they fly the Cross of St George
ID cards to be scrapped and replaced with signet rings containing biometric information, with supplementary information recorded in neck tattoos if necessary
All restaurants serving poncy foreign muck to be shut down, to replaced by places serving proper English food like McDonald's, curry and pizza (and maybe the occasional chinky)
All other breeds of dog to be phased out in favour of pit bulls and XL bullies
The new national anthem “Arise, glorious gammon” to be played last thing every night on the BBBC (Beautiful British Broadcasting Corporation)
Al Murray to admit he really is the Pub Landlord, and it’s not just a satirical character
Broadmoor to be closed and the most dangerous psychopaths given jobs with the UK Border Force
History lessons to only include wars we won (and the 1966 World Cup)
The school-leaving age to be lowered to 12, and made compulsory
Walking without knuckles touching the ground to be made illegal
Compulsory repatriation of all effnics, except for one or two we’ll give prominent jobs in the party so they can’t say we’re racist. Actually, make that just one.
In unrelated news, the UN Council on Refugees has announced new guidelines for Brits seeking asylum who have a well-founded fear that if they go home, they may die of embarrassment.
Hat tip to deskpilot
Image credit: from the NB archive