To avoid giving offence, Roald Legume-Stew’s books have been sensitively edited for modern times. Here is a complete list of those cleansed thus far: James and the Large Botanical Product That Self Identifies as a Peach Charlie and the Nutritional Ingredient Manufacturing Facility Fairly Typical Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx Fox The EGEP (enormous genial enormous person) George’s Marvellous Untested Nutritional Supplement Danny The Citizen of The World The Wonderful Story of Henry Nutritional

Sales of guttering, drainpipes, railings, storm drainage channels and old tin trays are all booming thanks to the Winter Olympics.

One for the history buffs

In a brief official notice, cable-tied to the palace gates and laminated against a light drizzle, Buckingham Palace confirmed the creation of a new ceremonial fixture: Trooping the Suspect.

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Police have arrested Andrew Mounting-Concern, who is not being named.  Police have said that the man they are holding is of Anglo-German heritage.  He is being held in custody on suspicion of the following:

After a major rehaul to update the author’s work to match modern sensibilities, his publishers were surprised to find that they had erased his entire catalogue. Confessed one editor: ‘Once we trimmed out all the references to fat, ugly and annoying characters, we were left with ‘they lived happily ever after’ and a doodle of peach.’ Complained an avid fan: ‘Who wants to read ‘Charlie and the Vegan Allotment’, ‘The moderately impressive, non-gender specific fox’ or ‘Danny, jus

'You put the right lease in, the right lease out, in, out and shake it all about,' said a US spokesman for the President today, explaining that the deal depended on the timing of the President's meds and the supply of crayons for his Truth Social posts.

Towcester is pronounce 'toaster' in England

Brian, 53 (but looks 70) has become the first homeless person to be awarded a degree by the University of Padgate after spending five years sleeping in the Social Sciences section.

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HT to Walter Eagle