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Voldemort was a ‘beautiful man radicalised by wizard baby’, claims group

bit of a kitten reallyLord Voldemort, now revealed to be former Hogwarts student Tom Riddle, was today described by an advocacy group as a ‘beautiful man’, whose violent actions can be traced back to a ‘long campaign of harassment by the same schoolboy’.

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Greece applies for a student loan

largin' it!Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis fears that an EU bailout extension may not cover the cost of his dream to study Media at university. Although his country’s debt is running at 175% of GDP, a spokesman for Mr Varoufakis said he is also keen to fund three years of film watching, the opportunity to swim in a fountain and to ‘put a traffic cone on local statue’.

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Russian Bombers to offer cut price flights to and from the UK

guaranteed to stay up better than the roubleIn a move, aggressively resisted by the RAF, the Russian Federation Air Force (Voyenno-Vozdushnye, Silly Rossii or ‘VVS’ for short) has attempted to muscle in on the lucrative budget air routes normally dominated by firms like ‘Easyjet’ and ‘Discount Flying Death Tubes’.

Using their superior reputation for customer welfare, the VVS will offer a range of services including military issue ‘nibbles’, stewardesses in camo paint and the chance to see a Tupolev Tu-95 strategic bomber ‘close up’.

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Socialist jihadis declare Islamic Welfare State

a simple 'thank you' would also go a long wayA left-wing IS splinter cell has today declared an Islamic socialist caliphate in a bid to halt the plight of jobless jihadis and bombers on the breadline.

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Greece votes to change billing address

'Greece is out right now...'The Greek electorate has been celebrating the adoption of a national policy of ‘the cheque being in the post’ by a larger than expected margin in early elections.

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