The Vatican is celebrating today after finally capturing Europe’s most notorious condom smuggler in a massive bust at Dublin airport. Francesc ‘Johnny’ Vallejos from Madrid is believed to have spent the past 15 years travelling between countries in Central America, Africa and Europe making thousands of Euros from their Catholic populations in the illegally protected sex trade. But today, with Vallejos behind bars, the Church has declared victory in its War on Prophylactics after an operation conducted with ‘surgical precision’ saw the world’s biggest pipeline for contraband contraceptives ’snipped off at source’.
‘It’s a great day,‘ said Father Constantine of the Vatican’s Marital Advice Squad. ‘There were several times over the years when we thought we’d got our man, but each manoeuvre ended in anticlimax as undercover agents had to pull out at the last minute or risk blowing their cover.’
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