NewsBiscuit

As the inevitable squabble over Nelson Mandela’s estate descends into chaos, advertising agencies have been left on tenterhooks awaiting the appropriate time to trample over his legacy. Untroubled by guilt and the minutiae of ethics, most executives are unable to judge when a respectful period of bereavement ends and the start of massive quasi-orgasmic ‘spondulicks. bonanza’ begins.

As with other twentieth century icons, the Mandela’s image will soon adorn t-shirts, bumper stickers and G4S prisons. While Santa pimps himself out to Coca Cola, who now remembers that Ronald McDonald was once the co-author of the ‘I have a Dream’ speech or that Tony the Tiger was a Sri Lankan separatist? Many South African activists are concerned that Mandela’s new aftershave, duet with Robin Thicke and musical biopic ‘Apartheid – Disco Inferno’ will some how ‘devalue his brand’.

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The world is in shock after 50th anniversary re-enactments of the killing of President Kennedy ended in chaos with a gun battle breaking out across Dealey Plaza in which a number of people were shot.

‘We’re not sure exactly how this happened,’ said Chesney Benson, head of the JFK Assassination Society, ‘but we suspect foul play. One of our men, dressed as Lee Harvey Oswald, was in position at the Texas School Book Depository and was just about to shoot a man dressed as President Kennedy, when a number of other shots were simultaneously fired.’

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‘It’s a marriage made in heaven, with Danish written all the way through it,” said Lars Smytt, brand manager for Denmark’s latest marketing success, which from tomorrow will feature on mortuary slabs and breakfast tables worldwide, with the slogan ‘Grisly and sizzly!’.’

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The Mayor of popular Costa Del Sol resort town Fuengirola has been quick to invest in over thirty disused ‘Go Home Vans’ from the UK today, in a last-ditch effort to stem the influx of drunken and embarrassingly dressed English holidaymakers, who have ‘plagued’ Spain’s south coast since the eighties.

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In a momentous turn of events, tensions in the Middle East appear to have eased considerably after the presidents of Iran and the US swapped knock-knock jokes for the first time in 35 years.

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