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Netanyahu annexes Moon
One Israeli settler was less than impressed: ‘As ‘promised land’ goes, this is a tough sell. [read...]
WorldBiscuit
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Pentagon border wall to have ‘frickin lasers!’
By bypassing Congress, President Trump can now fund his wall with military spending, aided by blueprints left over from the Transformers’ movie. Civilian walls are restricted to bricks and mortar, but military walls are allowed to have anti-aircraft missiles, [read...]
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Sajid Javid to strip UK brides of EU citizenship
Taking a tough stance against extremist Remoaners, the Home Secretary has said he will be removing EU rights from anyone who holidays in Ibiza, wears a black turtleneck or has GCSE German. Post-Brexit, all young women will be required to say an oath of allegiance to the Independent Caliphate of Great Britain and its faith in warm beer. [read...]
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Venezuela offers to help depose US despot
Thousands of angry protesters against ‘El Naranja Presidente’ took to the streets of Washington to protest the longest running government shutdown. In solidarity, the people of Venezuela said they would do what they could to help the US topple a ‘corrupt regime’ and a President who had got less votes than his opponent. [read...]
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Trump’s wall threatens US with unprecedented drugs price increases
Congress today blocked President’s Trump’s funding for a wall on the US southern border, on economic grounds. ‘An alleged major benefit of the wall will be to reduce the volume of drugs crossing the border by half,’ [read...]