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Top internet searches of 2024

It’s the season of lazy journalism and news stories that barely meet the absolute minimum standard for being news.  At least the top internet searches of 2024 are, in some sense of the word, facts.  Kind of.


Anyway, here is the top ten:


1    (censored)

2    NSFW

3    Nope, can’t print that one either.

4    (redacted: mad, bad, and unkind to hamsters)

5    ***** ***** ***** Meghan and ***** ***** ***** Harry

6    Cute kitten videos (finally!)

7    (withdrawn on the very strong recommendation of the CIA)

8=  Recession, inflation, doom, interest rates, energy prices, war, famine, Rachel Reeves

9    (entry deleted, to deny E*** M*** the oxygen of publicity)

10  Are Russian bots pushing Reform messages into my social media, or am I just a bad person?


Picture credit: anirudh-wKeZstqxKTQ-unsplash.jpg

Best of Newsbiscuit - January 2024


January 2024...


That TV program about the Post Office catapulted the story into the news, almost wiping out speculation about the date of the general election. Sunak tried to raise his profile, and lower Boris’s. Starmer continued to lie low and not say anything to frighten the voters. Water companies continued to muddy the waters over, err, muddy water. Small boats continued to bring people across the channel. You might notice that there are no stories about the various wars that were going on - always a difficult topic for jokes.


Here’s a personal selection of the top stories from January 2024, loosely organised by topic. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see our pick of the month’s best headlines.


Migration

General Election


Media and TV


Politics


Post Office


Water Companies


Religion



And a selection of the best headlines from January 2024


Some of these are topical and some are just silly. And many of the headlines, for some reason, seem to be about the Royal Family. So, no New Year honours for us, then...


Silver Spoon responsible for King's enlarged prostate  

Dog with two dicks, "quite happy" says vet 

Tories to employ Luke Littler to show them how to actually hit targets

All BBC programmes to include a tightrope-walker, for balance

Dodgy batch of underlay swept under the carpet

Drunk Olympics to include hurling for the first time

Man who found plane parts in his garden thought it was a delivery for next door

Man who wanted tablet for Xmas unhappy to get an aspirin   

Man says the 2 birds in the bush were better than the one in his hand

Wales’ biggest employer says Tata

Guitar school found to be institutionally bassist

Epstein fingered Andrew

Darts fans shocked at teenage boy has well honed wrist action

Florida adopts execution by Helium to "lighten the atmosphere"

Post Office scandal: Met Police investigate now that it's been on telly

Hasbro say five year wait for Operation is down to 14 years of Tory government

Northern rhinos saved from extinction by feeding them pies, chips and gravy

Pub football team hit with massive pints deduction       

Blunt pencil collection just pointless

Man who fell into an infinity pool says it took him forever to get out

Vwl thf stll t lrg



Image credit: Wix AI

Surprise gifts now all in charity shops


The surprise gifts opened on Christmas morning and received with grateful thanks and a little bit of bemusement have now all made their way to charity shops. Anyone who wants a mini desktop anything at all or a novelty festive thingamabob or Christmas themed doohickey should pop down to their local charity shop and select from the vast array available. The predictable gifts received on Christmas morning have all been eaten or put in the cupboard for use soon. The King of predictable gifts, the big Toblerone, which gives itself away by its distinctive shape when wrapped up, has been eaten in front of World’s Strongest Man and Toblerone fans will now go back to buying themselves the smaller everyday Toblerone from Poundland. Surprise gift purchaser Mandy Profligate was quoted as saying, 'I like buying people something they wouldn’t get for themselves,' while predictable gift buyer Samantha Useful said, 'Just because it’s Christmas people don’t suddenly want a bottle opener in the shape of a dolphin or some wine glass charms featuring pendants with tiny models of different cheeses.'


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/stocksnap-894430/


First published 6 Jan 2022



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