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The Nottingham Post has found itself blacklisted by Nottingham Council, a subsidiary of Reform Ltd.  The Councillors aren't allowed to answer questions from the journalists or even to let them judge their colouring-in.


NewsBiscuit understands that its journalists (sic) are also banned from being provided soundbites, dubious factoids or frankly unbelievable claptrap from any part of the council, but especially from the elected morons.  In the absence of access to low quality information from lower quality councillors playing at running a council NewsBiscuit has no other option than to make stuff up and write articles that are almost, but critically not quite, libellous about the bell-ends running Nottingham Council. Their colouring-in, by the way, is atrocious.  They can't find the line, let alone stay inside of it.  Not libellous, just fact.


To save being banned by other Reform Ltd run councils it is now NewsBiscuit policy to write absolute bollocks about each and every other Reform Ltd council in the UK, just as we do and have done about any political entity since we started. 


However, following Reform UK Ltd CEO's claim in Washington that Reform Ltd doesn't silence critics or media, NewsBiscuit is now looking forward to seeing the Nottingham Post in Reform briefings soon.


image from Gemini

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September 2024


Labour have been in power for three months now, and the rhetoric about the ‘Tory black hole’ in the nation's finances is starting to sound like a broken record. If you repeat a truth often enough, does it become a lie? Keir Starmer launched his ten-year plan for the NHS, kicking any measurable improvements firmly into the second term. And he famously said sausages when he meant hostages. I expect he was hungry. The Tories remained very, very quiet, as if gagged. And enjoying it.


In royal news, there were two new TV programmes about Prince Andrew’s laughably bad interview on Newsnight. And King Charles was trying to kick Andrew out of Royal Lodge for not paying his rent and not paying for repairs. And still probably one of Andrew’s better months.


In the entertainment world, people were talking about the Oasis reunion tour and complaining about the cost of ‘dynamically priced’ tickets. And protestors chucked some more soup at Van Gogh’s sunflowers. Can you remember why? Me neither. In weather news, the Met Office said that the summer had been the coolest since 2015. Which sounds like the set-up for a joke about the Oasis reunion...


Further afield, there was another failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump. Donald was out golfing in Florida and narrowly avoided a hole in one. And four NASA astronauts continued to be stranded in space, rotating helplessly and unable to do anything. Like the Democrats. On the plus side, the Hubble telescope found a supermassive black hole. Another one. Keir will be pleased. And Ukraine and Gaza continued to be difficult territory for humourists. Sorry, guys.


Here is a selection of the top stories from September 2024. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.


UK Politics


US Politics


Royal News


Other News


Headlines


Inventor of rear view mirror looks back on his career

NASA: stranded astronauts exposed to Van Allen radiation belt "unlikely" to possess superpowers

Kuenssberg allows Labour just one more week to use public finances black hole excuse

' ' goes without saying

Choking is often caused by going down the wrong way

Hacked railway departure board more accurate than the real one

Joe Biden 'assassination attempt' just an accident with a stapler

New hospital ratings: Poor, Inadequate, Shameful, Broken

NHS reform: all forms to be redesigned

Photo of arable farm may have been cropped


Actually, September 2024 was a pretty good month for the headlines, so here are some more:


University goes bust after spending all its funding in the first week of term

Jailed Van Gogh vandals were from Just Stop Oils

Activists throw sunflowers at Warhol’s painting of tins of soup

GWR running trains instead of buses this weekend

Starmer asks wife to play hide the hostage

Customs huge epilepsy medication seizure

If being racist makes me racist then I'm racist, says racist

Met Office say coolest Summer since 2015 nothing to do with Oasis

Dentists' Union told to stop advocating "One out, all out" policy

Nuneaton restaurant closes after first week

Road Closure: The M1 was closed yesterday due to an accident. They were supposed to close the M11

'Washing Weekly' only available on-line


NewsBiscuit (newsbiscuit.com) was created in September 2006 by TV writer and author John O’Farrell to provide the UK with the first British online satire news site. One of the underpinning features of NewsBiscuit that still sets it apart from its competitors is that it exists to allow aspiring comedy writers an environment to develop and hone their skills at no cost to themselves, while providing the UK and beyond with a daily dose of satirical and comedic articles and tickers.


A group of six of the NewsBiscuit editors have assembled and curated over 500 comedic articles and several hundred one line jokes that have been published on the website over the last 15 years, covering topics ranging from UK and World news, Science, Technology, Sport and Faith, plus many more.


All of the articles and one-liners published in this anthology have been granted permission to be reproduced by over 80 contributors free of charge.


15 Years of Typos makes a great gift for friends and, of course, for yourself!





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