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World leaders beg Kate Bush to make it all OK for a little while

Millions of people across the world have signed an online petition asking Kate Bush to release some new material and help restore their faith in humanity. As signatures on the petition reached an astonishing 5 million people UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon added his voice to those calling for the reclusive singer-songwriter to help ease the world’s pain, if only for a short while.

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Chilcot appearance on Just A Minute “longer than 45 minutes”

Sir John Chilcot’s debut appearance on Radio 4 panel show Just a Minute has received a critical mauling, after he hesitated more than any other player in the programme’s history and caused Monday evening’s edition to last fourteen hours instead of the usual thirty minutes.

The former civil servant and independent inquiry chair appeared on the panel alongside series regulars Paul Merton, Sue Perkins and former foreign secretary Jack Straw. As usual, Chilcot was asked to speak for sixty seconds without repetition, deviation or hesitation, but after an initial burst of energy (on the topic ‘the terms of this inquiry’) he rapidly dried up and dragged the proceedings out far longer than anybody else could ever have anticipated.

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Benedict Cumberbatch ‘magnificent’ as Bloke in Tesco

Benedict Cumberbatch has blown away the critics after a ‘magnificent, power-house performance’ at the Brent Cross Hendon Way Tesco Superstore in Cricklewood.

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1D to join Kurdish Peshmerga fighters

In a shock move, One Direction have announced a break from music in order to battle the so-called Islamic State alongside Peshmerga fighters in northern Syria.

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Guardian urges readers to vote for first LGBT 007

‘A James Bond for the 21st century has to reflect the new century’s gender diversity as part of its core values, which is why we urge readers to vote for Grayson Perry as the new 007.’

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