Following the signing of former Top Gear presenters Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, online retail and media giant Amazon have announced plans to ‘physically stream’ the maverick trio into viewers’ homes via Prime Air drones.
‘Our Amazon Prime Air service is a high-end, high-profile delivery platform befitting a high-end, high-profile presenting team,’ revealed Jay Marine, vice-president of Amazon Prime Video EU. ‘What better way to send this exciting new content to consumers? From the very moment we met them, the first thing we thought of was ‘drones’.’
The BBC today issued a statement emphasising that the people shown apparently committing crimes in the “reconstructions” segment of its popular Crimewatch series are just actors, performing a prearranged series of words and actions they have committed to memory.
This follows reports that a number of people, whom the producers describe as ‘unbelievable f*ckwits’, regularly call in identifying the actors, sometimes even citing other programmes they have appeared in to help the authorities track them down.
The usually vocal know-it-all was conspicuously slack-jawed for at least five rounds of questions while he indulged in a silent reverie that featured the young history student in a translucent summer dress, a steamy Athenian grove, and a hastily devoured picnic of oysters and figs.