BusinessBiscuit
Attempts to produce a cleaning agent strong enough to wipe the smirk off Boris Johnson’s face have so far come to nothing admitted market brand leaders Reckitt Benckiser. A spokesperson for the company said progress had been frustratingly slow but they still hoped for a breakthrough one day. [read...]
Analysts have finally admitted that share values have as much a relationship with politics, as Donald Trump does with Germaine Greer. With the FTSE being a marginally worse predictor of elections than pollsters, voters would be better served by reading chicken entrails or consulting a German-speaking octopus. [read...]
McDonald’s clown Ronald McDonald is facing the prospect of being fired by the restaurant chain after admitting to a consensual encounter with related burger mascot The Hamburgular. The liason, which took place behind the bins at McDonald’s, [read...]
A man who holds himself out as a ‘Consultant’ and unable to pinpoint what duties he performs, is 110% certain that he performs actual work, it has emerged. So-called ‘Consultant, Alan Small said, ‘What’s my job? [read...]
HM Treasury has announced that to ensure fiscal stability in a post-Brexit economic rodeo the new 50p piece will minted from a compressed block of One Direction frontman Harry Styles’s luscious locks. Treasury spokesperson Brent Hardy explains: “It’s prudent policy to underpin the value of post-Brexit sterling with a British commodity that performs consistently well… [read...]
