Donald Trump is talking up the advantages of America's massive debts. The US national debt is 39 trillion dollars, mostly borrowed from other countries. And the debt continues to get bigger, as government spending rises and the tax take fails to keep up. The President said, 'Owing so much money gives the USA a massive advantage. Other countries must be very nice to us, or we might not pay the money back.' The President appears to overlook the issue of debt repayment. The US d

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BoJo has made approximately 148 new policy announcements, one of each of the Tory MPs who think he's unfit for office. An early draft of the so-called 'benefits-to-bricks' scheme would have seen benefit claimants paid directly in bricks and then invited to build their own house. Labour spokeswoman Jodie Johnstone said 'House prices are spiralling upwards and the Tories have made sure that benefits are spiralling downwards. You'd need to be in an Escher painting to make that w

Ash trays are at half-mast as the art world mourns the passing of one its finest and most innovative smokers, David Hockney, who has died at the age of 88. He died at home his publicist said, one cigarette short of his 89th that day. As a smoker Hockney always went his own way, famously rejecting a knighthood for services to tobacco and sticking to his quiet habit when others chose healthier routes. In 2018, one of his swimming pool paintings, 'Portrait of an Artist', sold fo

To enter the competition sign up to our Writer's Room - and add your entry here https://newsbiscuit.proboards.com/board/5/caption-competition The closing date will be Friday night or when our Editor 'gets their arse into gear'. The winner will be selected in a frustratingly arbitrary and capricious way. The Judge’s verdict is final and has probably been influenced by bribery. Late entries will be late. The winning caption will be posted and preserved on Newsbiscuit, with t

The Government proposes that most kids should make active travel plans, while the others need to pass their driving license sharpish. Guidance includes strapping several lunchboxes to their feet to reach the pedals — the heavier the sandwiches, the safer the braking. A Minister explained, "We will provide child-friendly routes, by attaching a small bell to the bonnet that rings louder the closer they get to doing something ill-advised. We'll install unnecessary buttons that c

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The recent events that Prime Minister Boris Johnson has attended have included a cappella 'boos' from the crowd. In an attempt to connect with the 'ordinary person' the Prime Minister and his spin doctors have decided that the 'boos' are now an integral part of his persona. Consequently he has decided to bring 'trustees' along to all personal appearances and have them 'boo' if no-one else bothers. 'I have a lot of experience of 'bring your own boos' parties, said the Prime

Former billionaire empathy-void Elon Musk set a new 'personal best', registering a full 18 seconds of contentment, and inner fulfilment. The new record was set moments after SpaceX was floated on the international stock markets, raising $1.77 trillion and making Musk the world's first trillionaire. "It was a strange feeling, though not entirely without precedent," explained the tragically unfulfilled troll/tycoon hybrid. "My central nervous system was flooded by a delicious b

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The England and Wales Cricket Board are looking to recruit a team of carers to look after the England men’s squad. The duties of the carers will include tucking the players up in bed at 11 pm, all year round, and locking the door to their room from the outside in order to keep them in check. They may read them a bedtime story if requested to do so. Should any player manage to get out of the locked room, tasering is a possibility. Said an ECB Spokesman, who didn’t want to be n

The BBC has confirmed that an expensive Christmas special will not now be shown. A spokesman said, 'Russell T has made the plotline entirely too weird. Fans will not accept that the next Doctor is a combination of Billy Piper's body, Tom Baker's voice and the holographic face of William Hartnell. Nor will they accept a cross between Kryten from Red Dwarf, Orac from Blake's Seven, and an openly trans gay black naked llama as the next companion. Now that we've lost the Disney m