SchoolBiscuit
The 25 worst-performing primary schools are to be redesignated as zoos, according to Michael Gove, the Education Secretary. The schools will be used to both protect endangered feral children, and to provide entertainment to the British public.
The recent decision by the Mills and Boon publishing house to move into sex education has been slammed as irresponsible by education experts for encouraging impossible romances, quivering bosoms and a penchant for exhilarating sex with topless manual labourers, whose skin glistens in the morning sun like fresh dew on a rosebud.
‘We can stay here all day if necessary,’ said negotiators. ‘It’s your own time you’re wasting.’
The Department for Education has admitted that British infant schools are ‘utterly ill-equipped’ to cope when the wave of child geniuses raised on Baby Einstein and Baby Mozart DVDs start primary education this coming September.
Academics are worried that the surge in popularity of ebook readers could lead to a catastrophic loss of children’s basic Google search skills.
Loading...