Education Secretary Michael Gove has announced changes to the history GCSE syllabus that will reflect ‘a more accurate and balanced’ view of World War One as a bit of jolly fun instead of a four-year cataclysmic bloodbath that drained the nation’s power and prestige and caused untold mental and physical suffering to millions.
The traditional view of the so-called ‘Great War’ as four years of futile barbaric slaughter is wrong, says Gove. ‘Historicans and commentators have long been calling for a “debunking” of wartime myths,’ he insisted. ‘At least, the ones I’ve been paying to advise me have. And that’s enough.’
A school for wizards has become the second free school to be closed down in a week. Hogwarts, a publicly funded but independently run free school, was ordered to close after Ofsted inspectors found live animals running free, students experimenting with dangerous plants, bullying at an unacceptable level, ghosts being used as teaching assistants without any CRB checks and students playing the game Quidditch without the appropriate safety equipment.
1950’s stereotypes everywhere have given a ringing endorsement to Education Secretary Michael Gove’s plans to extend the Common Entrance Exam to state schools in an attempt to disabuse “uppity oiks” of any misguided aspirations towards higher education they may have been allowed to foster.
After the delivery of a ministerial attaché case containing an 11lb tuna to the headquarters of Ofsted, it has been hinted by sources at the Department of Education that the Chair of Ofsted, Labour Peer Baroness Morgan ‘Ain’t gonna be around no more, capisce?’