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Gove advisers accuse Sauron the Dark Lord of being too ‘Orc-Centred’

Sauron, the Dark Lord of Dol Guldur, whose eye falls like a pestilence upon the peoples of Middle Earth, is reported to be ‘Spitting black bile’ at reports leaked by advisers at the department of Education, critcising his rule of Mordor for being ‘too Orc-Centred’ and ‘trapped in 60′s Orthodoxies’.

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Malala ‘a saddo loser’ say British schoolkids

'she actually WANTS to go to school!'Schoolchildren up and down Britain are still struggling to come to terms with the acclaim accorded to Malala Yousafzai, a Pakistani school pupil and activist blogger who was shot in the head by the Taliban in 2011 for campaigning for girls’ education rights. They have unanimously agreed that her conduct is ‘well rank’ and that she should have been grateful not to have to sit through double Maths every Tuesday morning.

Malala’s courage and determination has earned her acclaim all over the world. Since her miraculous survival, she has been instrumental in the ratification of Pakistan’s first Right to Education Bill, was named one of Time Magazine’s ’100 Most Influential People in the World’ and was nominated for the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize among many other things. However, British teenagers have dismissed all this as ‘totally gay’.

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New schools inspector ‘has a little word’ with head teachers

not your typical inset dayThe Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove, has announced the appointment of a new Chief Inspector for Schools. Ronnie ‘The Animal’ Henderson has been brought in, he said, ‘to add rigour and robustness to the schools inspection framework’.

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Pointless Media Studies degree courses facing closure, warn under-achieving academics

silly hat industry also under threatScores of rubbish Media Studies degrees around the country are facing closure, according to the lecturers’ union NOPULU (Not Proper University Lecturers’ Union). The warning follows new figures from UCAS, which show the lucrative ‘crap sector’ of higher education in sharp decline following the rise in tuition fees.

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Gove gives go-ahead for Fagin Free School

Following a successful application to the Department of Education, the Fagin Free School, will open in the London Borough of Walthamstow next September.

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