In a bold move, the Conservative leader has pledged to keep all under-25s in education, meaning a bumper crop of GPs, and the occasional frighteningly large kid who never quite made it out of primary school.
Welsh farmers are quietly ditching traditional farming in favour of new, more profitable uses of the countryside, after a historic decision by the Welsh Assembly to legalise the trade in human organs.
The soundtrack in the fields on Monmouthshire, Powys and beyond is already changing from the bleating of sheep who’ve mislaid their lambs, or forgotten where their food is until they look down, into cries of plaintive anguish from ramblers who are being systematically rounded up on Welsh hillsides, crammmed into pens and fattened for market.
‘My teenage grandchildren have assured me that e-smokes have ‘gone viral’, with children as young as six getting addicted to e-tobacco which can be downloaded for free off the Internet’, said the concerned 76-year-old baronet.
Eternal Life Research Group Plc., which commissioned the report, has said that the country is facing a ‘medical time bomb’ and the Government needs to take action now.