Frustrated males shamed into embracing a healthy regime have been outraged to discover that starchy, tuberous crops are not the route to a six-pack, female approval and eternal life as had been previously suggested.
Under the watchful eye of former Marks & Spencer boss, Sir Stuart Rose, the National Health Service is to offer a range of ‘everyday food products’ and ‘must-have kitchen ingredients’ salvaged from clinical waste bins.
‘He’s just dim,’ said Dr Janice Trenter. ‘Someone has to be.’
Scientists and ‘guys with leather jackets’ have hailed the number of smokers across the world reaching the one billion mark as a ringing endorsement of nicotine, pulmonary disease, Dot Cotton and everyone who has appeared in a French film ever.