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Barista spontaneously turns American

"And can I write your name on this cardboard cup...?"A man working as a ‘barista’ at a branch of Starbucks in Huddersfield has become the first European to spontaneously turn into an American.

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Self-fellatio injury blamed on the Lynx Effect

overstretchedA 38-year-old Kent man is recovering in hospital today after dislocating his spine in an incident which he claims was caused by the ‘Lynx Effect’.

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Well-off housewives slam Benefits Street claimants as ‘downright lazy’

simply shameful, darlingBritain’s large population of wealthy middle class housewives have today raised their concerns about the UK’s ever-growing population of ‘spongers’.

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Candy Crush addict admits selling body online for ‘extra lives’

will the torment never end?!A long-suffering London housewife has today spoken of her desperation at dealing with her husband’s severe Candy Crush addiction, claiming that her home life has now become ‘unbearable’.

Patricia Willcox, a 46-year-old from Tooting, said she first noticed the extent of Brian’s issues with the popular ‘match-three’ game, when she discovered the 51-year-old ‘entertaining strangers’ via webcam, in return for extra ‘lives’ on Christmas Eve. ‘It got to the point where I couldn’t bear to be with him any more.’ said exasperated Patricia. ‘When your loving husband of twelve-years snubs your home cooked food in favour of a bag of Skittles, you know something’s wrong.’

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Facebook promises for big New Year plans ‘to be tested in June’

they'll be watching youAll those who publicly air their New Year promises and plans with really long Facebook status updates will be ‘thoroughly tested in June’, according to a new initiative.

The government funded scheme, which aims to reduce cases of stress and depression throughout the UK, has advised everybody who plans to compose an inspiring and ambitions Facebook status that they will face a series of ‘cutting and sobering questions’, at some point in June, such as; ‘aren’t you supposed to be in Cambodia’? Or; ‘why are you still seventeen-stone?’

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