LifeBiscuit
BMW has announced that it is seeking to expand its customer base beyond dickheads to include idiots, twats and pillocks as well. As a result, the company’s infamously stringent ‘Dickhead Test’ for prospective purchasers is to be considerably modified.
While recovering from frostbite, explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes is embarking on an ambitious challenge to become the first man to successfully navigate his local Ikea store. In undertaking this mission he hopes to create the first accurate map of Ikea, for which no useful chart exists. The expedition is expected to take four months.
Tests carried out by reading the label on a packet of Waitrose luxury muesli have revealed that it contains a large percentage of horse food. As a result, all supermarkets are removing muesli products from their shelves ‘as a precautionary measure’.
Angry residents of the Cotswold town of Chipping Norton have voiced their concerns to David Cameron that the Government’s austerity measures are having a direct effect on their children’s welfare.
A woman from Harlow has seen all feelings of warmth and friendship for a childhood friend corrode into disdain, disgust and hatred due to his incessant inane and pompous Facebook updates.
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