Patricia Willcox, a 46-year-old from Tooting, said she first noticed the extent of Brian’s issues with the popular ‘match-three’ game, when she discovered the 51-year-old ‘entertaining strangers’ via webcam, in return for extra ‘lives’ on Christmas Eve. ‘It got to the point where I couldn’t bear to be with him any more.’ said exasperated Patricia. ‘When your loving husband of twelve-years snubs your home cooked food in favour of a bag of Skittles, you know something’s wrong.’
The government funded scheme, which aims to reduce cases of stress and depression throughout the UK, has advised everybody who plans to compose an inspiring and ambitions Facebook status that they will face a series of ‘cutting and sobering questions’, at some point in June, such as; ‘aren’t you supposed to be in Cambodia’? Or; ‘why are you still seventeen-stone?’
The twenty-seven minute diatribe about ‘The good old days’ with frequent references to how ‘People had respect for each other’ included repeated claims that ‘You didn’t lock your front doors, because you didn’t need to’. At one point John seemingly lost his focus and digressed into details about how ‘I remember when this was all fields’ before returning to the subject in hand and explaining ‘There was none of this Health and Safety nonsense either’.