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New networking tool ‘Linktinder’ launched

A new website/mobile phone app has been launched, aimed at the busy professional who does not have time to separate the different areas of his life. Be it exchanging stocks and shares in the City, to exchanging bodily fluids in the country-side; if your life is morally ambiguous, this is the tool for your tool.

Known as ‘Linktinder’, the app will allow users to upload high quality photos of themselves along with their measurements, sexual tastes and details of their professional qualifications.

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We ♥ Migrants

Politicians and giddy school girls alike have stormed the internet in search for tips on how to copy the latest fashion sensation – ‘Refugee Chic’. Anyone who is anyone is desperate to get themselves photographed next to a drowned body, a reeking container or a somewhat stressed-looking border guard.

One designer declared: ‘Migrants are so 2015. Sunken cheeks, hollow eyes and a rather damp smell. You can mix and match any clothing or colours, provided it looks like you’re wearing your entire wardrobe. And no outfit would be complete without figure-hugging children, draped over your shoulders’.

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Horse ‘self-identifies’ as America’s first unicorn

belief is everythingA horse from Spokane, Washington has become America’s first ever unicorn, after ‘self identifying’ as the mythical horned creature. Local officials decided to recognize the animal’s new legal status after it changed its name to Chestnut Rainbow Hooves, much to the delight of local residents. ‘All my life I have felt like a unicorn trapped inside a horse’s body, but finally I am free. I hope my decision will encourage others to come out and embrace their true-selves,’ she said.

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Channel 4 criticised for new documentary, ‘Friends-With-Benefits Street’

a community that's truly come togetherChannel 4 faced criticism today for its latest contribution to social debate, Friends-With-Benefits Street, a fly-on-the-wall documentary capturing the comings and goings among residents on Britain’s most promiscuous street.

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Polls fooled by ‘secret shame’ of Tory electorate

They'll be getting married to each other next!After Election night when the country awoke to realise that, in their midst, many may have been living a lie but had finally found a pride in who they really are, Tory voters have been welcomed into the folds of the LBGT community like ‘one of their own’.

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