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Cynic finds soulmate in over-friendly chain restaurant waiter

had an enormous pepper mill as wellA middle-aged man, who until yesterday had taken every aspect of modern-day customer service with a bulldozer of salt, has admitted he was wrong after finding eternal friendship with an over-friendly chain restaurant waiter.

During a rare evening meal out with his wife at Pasta Pasta in Dorking, Surrey, 42-year-old Ed Geller abandoned his trademark cynicism and instead engaged 22-year-old Marek from Slovakia in the inane, awkward chit chat his boss’s bosses force him to make with customers. ‘I don’t know what came over me,’ said Geller, who normally has to suppress the urge to deck staff who squeeze enquiries about his health and immediate plans into the morning black Americano routine.

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Club 18 – 30 urged to drop Syria from its itinerary

Hedonistic travel operator Club 18 – 30 has found itself under increasing pressure to abandon its popular new destination Syria.

‘It’s true, we’ve had a bit of support for our Jihad weekend breaks,’ said a Club 18 – 30 spokesman, ‘but to be honest, the reps aren’t happy. The hotels tend to be in a state of disrepair, even before the hen parties trash them, and providing Brits on tour with sidearms is just asking for trouble.’

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New bride threatens daily wedding photo updates until she is pregnant

bride and bed-justiceRecently married Kate Hughes, 29, from Clapham, has pledged to modify her profile picture on a daily basis until she is 12 weeks pregnant.

Initially angered that new husband Sean had not even updated his Facebook status to ‘In a relationship’, she had previously vowed to upload a new wedding photo seven days a week to remind everyone what a lucky bastard he is.

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Error-strewn tea round declared ‘completely indefensible’

In tense and confrontational scenes today at an engineering business in Runcorn, 22 year-old graduate Ben Parker was found guilty of 4 significant errors in preparing a 7-person tea round.

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Delusional husband ‘thought he could criticise in-laws’

could take years to get over it34 year-old Colin Parker was surprised to discover that his wife, Lucy Parker, could condemn her parents with impunity, but that he should restrain from making any derogatory remark. Following a 13-minute rant in which Lucy berated her Mum’s nagging about future grandchildren and her Dad’s problem with whiskey, his insightful comments to support those complaints were regarded as sheer wanton abuse.

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