NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

LifeBiscuit

Warring parents fail to agree terms for sex-in-the-house talk with teenage son

Mr and Mrs Davis agreed to handle it like adults, and that it was ‘better him doing it here where he’s safe, rather than behind the community centre up against some bins’.

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Super Villain Mortgage approval at all time low

thank God they don't have to deal with HIP's anymoreIt was reported today that Super Villains across the UK are finding it harder and harder to get mortgages for their lairs, with increasingly cautious lenders stating it is the fact that most lairs do not survive the first year that is behind application approval levels dropping below 50% for the first time since the end of the Cold War.

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Bon viveur churchgoers rejoice as 2011 Guide to Good Communion Wine launched

miraculously goodThe Guide, known to aficionados as ‘The Bible’, lists the best locations for communion wine the length and breadth of the country, including tasting notes on the best Eucharistic tipples of the year.

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Round-robin reports another great year for La Cosa Nostra

greetings from Casa GrimbinoThe annual round-robin letter from the Grimbinos reports that New York’s most infamous Italian family has gone from strength to strength in 2010 and is eagerly anticipating 2011.

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Man outsources own life

can now afford Sky, with all the extrasIn response to the bleak economic outlook for 2011, 39-year-old Barry Nugent of Canvey Island has taken the radical step of outsourcing much of his everyday existence in a bid to significantly reduce his overheads.

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