Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. As a market leader we need to be more accepting of others – even if Windows Media Player is a crime against nature’.
For over 30 years, ice cube tray manufacturers have been engaged in a race to develop a container from which frozen water can never be extracted. Today UK company Pro-Plastic has been recognised for making the first container from which ice cubes cannot be retrieved, irrespective of the cunning and skill of the users.
Internet security specialist McAfee today announced the first of its long-awaited “alternative” products, which it claims will address the growing threat of Trojans, Spyware and Bot Nets without the decrease in performance usually associated with evidence-based Antivirus software.
The South Africa-based arms manufacturer, Desert Wolf, has secured sales to a mining company wishing to ‘stamp out’ illicit middle-class soirees and those who overstep the international boundaries of dinner party etiquette. To this end ‘Skunk Drones’, disguised as ornithological pepper mills, will spray anyone seen to be ignoring dress codes, arriving late without a gift for the hostess or ‘using the wrong soup spoon’.