- NewsBiscuit
- 14 hours ago
September 2024
Labour have been in power for three months now, and the rhetoric about the ‘Tory black hole’ in the nation's finances is starting to sound like a broken record. If you repeat a truth often enough, does it become a lie? Keir Starmer launched his ten-year plan for the NHS, kicking any measurable improvements firmly into the second term. And he famously said sausages when he meant hostages. I expect he was hungry. The Tories remained very, very quiet, as if gagged. And enjoying it.
In royal news, there were two new TV programmes about Prince Andrew’s laughably bad interview on Newsnight. And King Charles was trying to kick Andrew out of Royal Lodge for not paying his rent and not paying for repairs. And still probably one of Andrew’s better months.
In the entertainment world, people were talking about the Oasis reunion tour and complaining about the cost of ‘dynamically priced’ tickets. And protestors chucked some more soup at Van Gogh’s sunflowers. Can you remember why? Me neither. In weather news, the Met Office said that the summer had been the coolest since 2015. Which sounds like the set-up for a joke about the Oasis reunion...
Further afield, there was another failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump. Donald was out golfing in Florida and narrowly avoided a hole in one. And four NASA astronauts continued to be stranded in space, rotating helplessly and unable to do anything. Like the Democrats. On the plus side, the Hubble telescope found a supermassive black hole. Another one. Keir will be pleased. And Ukraine and Gaza continued to be difficult territory for humourists. Sorry, guys.
Here is a selection of the top stories from September 2024. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.
UK Politics
US Politics
Royal News
Other News
Headlines
Inventor of rear view mirror looks back on his career
NASA: stranded astronauts exposed to Van Allen radiation belt "unlikely" to possess superpowers
Kuenssberg allows Labour just one more week to use public finances black hole excuse
' ' goes without saying
Choking is often caused by going down the wrong way
Hacked railway departure board more accurate than the real one
Joe Biden 'assassination attempt' just an accident with a stapler
New hospital ratings: Poor, Inadequate, Shameful, Broken
NHS reform: all forms to be redesigned
Photo of arable farm may have been cropped
Actually, September 2024 was a pretty good month for the headlines, so here are some more:
University goes bust after spending all its funding in the first week of term
Jailed Van Gogh vandals were from Just Stop Oils
Activists throw sunflowers at Warhol’s painting of tins of soup
GWR running trains instead of buses this weekend
Starmer asks wife to play hide the hostage
Customs huge epilepsy medication seizure
If being racist makes me racist then I'm racist, says racist
Met Office say coolest Summer since 2015 nothing to do with Oasis
Dentists' Union told to stop advocating "One out, all out" policy
Nuneaton restaurant closes after first week
Road Closure: The M1 was closed yesterday due to an accident. They were supposed to close the M11
'Washing Weekly' only available on-line
