Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month April 2025
- Throngsman
- Apr 30
- 7 min read
Deskpilot has, once again, provided a full suite of FPs, NiBs, headlines (obvs), features and hat tips and is head and shoulders above the rest of us. The Wren rule comes in to play here, though, so eppursimuove takes the crown with a very credible score. Congrats to everyone who got published this month.
As usual all the links to the subs are below the leaderboard, the cartoon of the month is honoured just below that and, as usual, a full list of the headlines that made the cut are at the end of this page.
Front Page, News in Brief and Features
apepper
billclay
ChrisF
Deskpilot
eppursimuove
FlashArry
Gerontius
hmjolly
jeremynh
Midfield Diamond
Modelmaker
munger
Newsbiscuit
nickb
Sketchly
Stewartbarclay
Sully
tacitus
Throngsman
Titus
Tonymc
watchermark
Wrenfoe
Cartoon of the month goes to Deskpilot with Trump's achievements in three pics
Headlines
Adrian Bamforth
Pope shortage offers brief masturbation window for Catholics
Vatican opens fast track queue for three blessings or less
Web user who posts videos regularly about Shergar accused of vlogging a dead horse
apepper
End prevarication with our 37 step programme
Peter Hegseth to post plans on Liz Truss's social network to make sure no-one sees them
Spies slam Peter Hesgeth for making espionage 'too easy'
Trump announces "great" deal with Nigerian prince
ashbery
Police raid barbers and vape shops in attempt to restock evidence rooms
bigbadbob
Cops attend street races after rumours of doughnuts
Govt consolidate all Tory MP convictions into one Labour MP
Nintendo aims games at over 40’s, the only people that can afford them
Wacky Races speeds through Greece, but includes Peloponnese Pitstop
billclay
Record Hallmark profits after release of "I told you so" cards in America
Deskpilot
Ailing barrel maker is recooperating
Deskpilot
American Football team, the Pittsburgh Steelers, inadvertently hit by tariffs
Bread slicer keeps on going through thick and thin
Distracted mechanic loses focus
General Motors to beat tariff costs on steel by making wooden cars
Harvard University plans relocation to Canada
Idle manicurist won't lift a finger
Meghan's rare and scary condition: hyper-narcissism
Pharmacist sacks 'indispensable' assistant
Rich Brummies take their trash to their country cottages
Small dog piques interest
Stock market crash not what we paid for, say Trump donors
Tariffs: Donald ducks
Truss hails Trump as an an economic genius
Unions say Birmingham Council's latest pay offer is rubbish
Docholiday
Fray Bentos spokesman - 'Explosion rumours just Pie in the Sky
Hornby announces its clockwork train section to be wound up
Séance meeting was described as all Fingers and Thumbs
dominic_mcg
All women space flight just an excuse to get spacecraft cleaned
Clangers just "Space Wombles" says Nigel Farage
Failed laundry company airs its dirty linen in public
Prison staff to get tasers. Prisoners shocked
dumbing down
Ex-MP who placed bet on timing of election gambled he would get away with it
Makers of new slimming pill to become fat cats
Plankton-like life form discovered in Oval Office
Supreme Court clarifies 'He said/She said' confusion
Granger
Big bet on FrankieMcFrankface II before conclave
Putin says "humanitarian" without laughing
hmjolly
Ashen RFK Jr realises improvements in autism diagnosis behind rise in autism diagnoses
Brummies no longer sure which day is bin day
Europe’s largest landfill site opens in West Midlands
Justin Welby forgives Disney for Snow White
Labour to rebrand as New Tories
Nation’s citizens try to rescue Government before it's too late
Universal pledges priority queues for MPs
hokeyloki
New Katy Perry single - I Kissed The Ground & I Liked It
ian searle
Netanyahu blames Hamas for rare shark attack in Israel
jim Skinz
Computer attack on scrumpy firm "was work of cider-terrorists"
Hooters goes t*ts up
Penguins impose 10% tariff on American fish
Trump demands Holy See be renamed American See at Pope's funeral
Trump hopeful of signing 'great trade deal' with US
Trump imposes tariffs on Tatooine
Joe
Hooters feeling the squeeze
Postcode Lottery outperforms FTSE 100 for the first time
Thames Water continue to stir sh**
Lockjaw
Pope dies after visit by JD Vance. Coincidence?
This isn't just any cyber attack, this is an M&S cyber attack
MADJEZ
Heathrow enquiry shows 27000 plugs & extension leads connected to one socket
mcdabble
Dentists now as rare as hen's teeth, says report
Eiffel tower lights not switched on Monday night. That was Pope's job.
Geologists warn that North America has begun to sink
I negotiated a great deal between Russia and Ukraine, says Trump
Lib Dems to change name to Dem Libs
Man at back of queue to see Pope says if he misses this one he'll hang on for the next
Mancunians baffled by Liverpool 'Tourist Tax'
Ok, you can panic now, says the smartest bloke in the pub
Russia and US agree to continue talking past each other
Steel furnaces to be fuelled with govt paperwork while they wait for coal delivery
Trump lifts tariffs on all porn-delivery devices
Trump proposes Russia and US merge into 'Aryan Nation'
Trump: Jerry should never have started a fight with Tom
Midfield Diamond
TV coverage of new Pope’s inauguration to be on Papal View
Modelmaker
Air travel cost soars
Counter-terror police called to tiddlywinks riot
Scunthorpe steelworks will be a test of Starmer's mettle
USA rust belt now extends to its container ports
Vatican Nun was chaste all the time Francis was Pope
MrQ
Cardboard box, local drunk, and stuffed rabbit all leapfrog Tories in latest poll
Man accused of being inbred claims he doesn't even like sandwiches
Phone addict goes through 20 a day
UK sees hottest April since the last hot April
rogerg
Barnsley imposes 110% tariff on import of Henderson's relish
Spanish Electricians assessing current situation
ron caweleyoni
Swiss Guard seek 40 year old bearded American to help with their enquiries
rowly
J D Vance denies asking Pope for royalties for posing for Turin Shroud
sinnick
Spain power cut mystery - public kept in the dark
Trump: 'I do not have tiny hands - I have huge masculine wrists!'
sockpuppet
Netenyahu & Putin to continue killing out of disrespect for Pope Francis
SteveB
Jailer does bang-up job
Trump - the fart of the deal
Throngsman
Confirmed: Trump Is playing 4D chess, only in one dimension
Titus
78-year-old astronaut returns to Earth, unable to remember what he went up there for
'Cast-iron' guarantee not quite what steel workers were looking for
Just-Stop-Electricity protesters claim massive success for their Iberian campaign
Trump seeks advice from Dianne Abbott how how to set tariff rates
Trump? 'Respect'? Hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha!
Ukrainians convert to Judaism in hope of attracting unreserved, limitless military support from US
tonymc
MPs demand double expenses for working Saturdays
Trump sends his condolences to Late Pope's wife and children
watchermark
Pope Francis funeral hit by dynamic ticket pricing claims
