top of page
Search

Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month October 2026

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
Oct 31





Deskpilot has cleared the board again, getting published in every category. Jeremynh has come a creditable second followed by eppursimouove and Katipo.


As usual all the links to the subs follows the leaderboard, followed by the links to the cartoons published and the all-important Cartoon of the Month. Finally the full list of headlines is at the end of this post.


Front Page, News in Brief and Features



antharrison



apepper



BillClay



cerebrovore



Chipchase



Chrisf



cliveosman



daveha



Deskpilot
















eppursimuove










Gerontius



jeremynh










Katipo



Lockjaw



MartinH



Midfield Diamond



Modelmaker



mrstrellis



Newsbiscuit Editorial Team




Rogerg



rogt




Rowly



Scribbles



Sir Lupus




Sketchly



stewartbarclay





Sully







Teppic






Throngsman





Titus




wally dug





Wrenfoe









Cartoons


Deskpilot





dominic_mcg



Katipo








Lockjaw

























Modelmaker


















Sketchly





urbanhermit





Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with First day of early release scheme for prisoners


Headlines


adrian bamforth      

  

Russell Brand asks prosecutor what she's doing later

Trick-or-treaters to be paid in cryptocurrency


apepper   

       

Here lies Jeffrey Archer


bigbadbob     


Escapologist would give refund after failed show but his hands are tied


cliveosman  

  

Budget 2026: Healey's eyebrows 'A disappointment'

Burnham calls for referendum on whether we should have a referendum


daveha    

        

Ali G black listed

Covid inquiry being held in children's play park. 'Next slide please'.

Flight manual typo: should have said 'ASK the captain'

Navy to boost its carrier strike group by adding a bag for life

New starter at clothing alterations business thinks she has been taken in

NI secretary rains on Drumcree parade

Police investigate Epstein's Bal-immoral stay with Andrew


Deskpilot   

    

Conveyor manufacturer tightens his belt

Man United line up their next three managers

Man with creased clothes diagnosed with iron deficiency

Melania to solve Israel-Gaza next

Stockpile Xmas decorations to avoid paper chain disruption

Tom Cruise film Digger gets Oscar for biggest flop and FIFA Best Film Award

Tories promise to plant ten thousand acres of magic money trees

Zoo staff may have accessed tiger's medical records


dominic_mcg 


Disgruntled lumberjack has axe to grind

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that Storm Austen is coming

'No room for racists in Reform', says Farage. 'But there is a waiting list.'


dumbing down          

 

Public outrage as serial housebreaker, Goldilocks, is released early


Edward Bartholomew Tetanus Bag 


Cost of living forces barbers to cut back and sides

Future executions in USA to be live-streamed on Twitch

Pensioners told to cut back on avocado toast


eppursimuove     

       

Lula's victory makes me wanna shout


ian searle    

   

Andrew to apply for Legal Aid to sue Thames Valley Police

Man with neck brace says since he got it he hasn't looked back

Marston's Brewery going for a Burton

Mushroom Murderer will continue to be kept in the dark


jeremynh       

 

Death of Katie Zacharia's career livestreamed on TV


Katipo 


Aristocrats to pay reparations for their ancestors profiting from serfdom

Canadians buy Boots just in time for winter

Commuters who can't get seats seek end to standing charges

Healey to nationalise crypto hacking

Hello magazine runs a feature on constipated aristocrats and their stately piles

Man with pet sheep accused of feeling under the wether

Manicurist hit by rent increase hanging on by her fingernails

Piers Morgan and Jeremy Clarkson wondering who will win Bellend D'Or?

Retiring Australian outback copper will miss his beat about the bush

Russian trawlers off the UK coast are on fishing expeditions

To improve spelling accuracy AI stops scanning The Guardian

Truck driver loses his load while watching porn on mobile

Yorkshire pudding workers not getting a rise


Lockjaw        

  

Social influencer lives by babbling stream


Matilda  

          

Harry Kane voted worlds best striker, UK doctors dispute this

Trump Administration - Were the Brits even involved in WW2 ?


mcdabble    

  

Banks 'furious' about extra taxes, says PR consultant

Britons taken for Fuels

Burnham plans to devolve power to regional Strasbourg authorities

Burnham promises a bright future for EU

Civil servants with multiple jobs may explain failing government, say experts

Clockwork radios just a windup

Global terrorism suffering serious skills shortage

King under pressure to apologise for Norman invasion

SNP performs ritual Referendum Dance

Surprise as Trump 'seriously considering' something

Trump: I may have stepped on the Ukraine Starlink cable. Just a little bit

Woman given too much botox doesn't seem at all surprised


Modelmaker  


Doncaster cat turns its nose up at usual food after sampling tastier stuff


mrstrellis        


"Perviest Royal relative" competition gets new participant

Geoffrey Donaldson disappointed to hear that British inmates don’t wear Orange suits


rogerg 


Heathrow third runway to be located in Doncaster


rowly  


Self checkout customer stung as wasp flies past barcode reader


scribbles        


Autopsy club announces they’re having an Open Mike night

Baker who sells giant pastries announces a massive turnover

Breast lift surgeon says his business is going tits up

Drunken man who fell over in a sauna says he was steaming

French chef says you don’t need 3 eggs to make an omelette. One egg is un oeuf

Illegal gun seller’s wares have been seized – lock, stock & barrel

Man enjoyed swimming with dolphins, he says they really clicked

Man hopes his new skydiving business will hit the ground running

Man paid for clearing up fallen leaves says he’s raking it in

Man prosecuted by RSPCA after being caught pulling his boxers off

Man says it was expensive to swim with sharks, it cost an arm and a leg

Plumber distraught at losing one of his tools says it’s a big wrench

Sobbing mechanic heading for a breakdown

Weather enthusiast says he was blown away by storm Boelo


sinnick    

        

The French are revolting


sketchly        

  

Chekov dons a red shirt

Death-row inmate in intensive care until she’s well enough for them to try to kill again

Door-to-door salesman realises this is probably not the best time for selling solar panels

Trump considering swapping lethal injection for a tiger enclosure

Trump has ICE agents round up all the marsupials to be sent back to Mars


Throngsman  


Christa Pike likely to be dead before execution


Titus   


Airline pilots injured in fight over which one gets the arm rest

Chancellor promises that things will get worse more slowly

Early release prisoners caught trying to tunnel back in, for free board & lodging

Future storm to be named 'Liz' in hope that it will be gone quickly

Plans to replace mathematicians with AI don't add up

Trump invites Liz Truss to come and be a more durable White House press secretary


tonymc   

         

Burnham insists Drug dealers vital for Manchester economy

Doctors say Christa Pike has developed a phobia of needles

Kemi: Go home and prepare to get your snouts in the trough

Reform's Imperial Wizard insists they are not racist


wallydug         


Burnham announces next important policy to tackle UK concerns and interests – review parking charges

Computer supplies store targeted by RAM raiders

Environmental protestors target Italian restaurant for its carbonara emissions

Pyrotechnics company fires boss

Trump ordered to answer questions truthfully under oath; Hell orders rock salt and de-icer




Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month September 2026

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
Sep 30

Updated: Oct 1








Front Page, News in Brief and Features


Wally Dug has won this month's Writer of the Month competition with a great mix of subs and headlines. Jeremynh came a close second and Deskpilot shares third place with Scribbles. Well done to everyone who got published this month.


As usual the full list of hyperlinks to the published subs follows the leaderboard including the links to the cartoons. Below that is this month's Cartoon of the Month and, finally, the full list of published headlines.




apepper



billclay



cerebrovore



Chipchase




Chrisf





classicqueen





daveha




Deskpilot





Edward Bartholomew Tetanus Bag



eppursimuove







Gerontius



gichowdotcom



ian searle






jeremynh













Lockjaw



MartinH



Midfield Diamond



Modelmaker



mrstrellis



Newsbiscuit Editorial Team



robfalconer





rogt





Scribbles




stewartbarclay



Sully






Throngsman










Titus



wally dug












will



Wrenfoe










Cartoons


Lockjaw



























Modelmaker


















Sketchly




urbanhermit




















Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with Trump rejects adoption of Equal Earth cartographic projection


Headlines


adrian bamford

          

Money launderers to be put in laundry rooms


apepper

          

Bondage event cancelled - organisers: 'Our hands were tied'

Farage will talk about donations row "if the price is right"


bigbadbob

     

Boss of biology lab accused of creating a toxic culture

Man banned from canalboat owners’ moorings after trying to barge in

Monty Gone


daveha 

           

Cotswold farmer denies Middle East connections, though admits to owning some Arable land

Five Guys resume deliveries after brief pause

King's letter clarifies sky is blue, water is wet, further details about Pope and bears

Miliband accidentally sanctions NatWest Bank

MPs assist death of bill

Pilots who ejected from crashed jet lost 1-3 cm height, will have a short stretch in hospital

Trump: 'If we win the mid-term elections, I'll spare your first-born children'

Welsh police cyberattack: password was LLLLLLLL


Deskpilot       


Chef says he's pansexual

Farage: I won't be distracted by my own bad behaviour

Fergie returns to UK to claim her state pension

Letby enquiry finds that the Pope is Catholic

Luke Littler realises he has a boos problem

Man has all his teeth sucked out by Dyson toothbrush

Nativity's not difficult - it's child's play

Nick Park confirms Wallace's first name isn't Gregg

OAPs to pay for defence, NHS, social care and buses

Reform adopts early release scheme

Reform reinstates Jules & Orr after thorough investigation

Reform supports arse covering in public

Reports that Houthis have seized Mokha dismissed as froth

VAR exonerates Man City

Weatherman declared hottest on record

Wife accused of parking Fiennes


dominic_mcg

 

Burnham removes Get Out Of Jail Free cards from UK Monopoly sets


dumbing down 

          

Tommo’s plea for bail sunk in the water by judge


eppursimuove

            

Palace expresses sadness over Earl Spencer’s accident next week

People who self-harm told not to beat themselves up about it

Police arrest new Welsh Reform leader immediately 'to save time'


Gerontius


Burnham to help first time buyers to buy a ladder


ian searle

       

Deep-fried food banned under new school dinner rules in England. Pupils have had their chips

Escapologists welcome the end of the triple lock

Government calls in St Swithin to help relieve drought

Monty Don leaving Gardeners' World sign the British monarchy will fall


joe 

      

Musk fires another rocket continuing his 'War on Space'


Katipo 


Alarm clock collector accused of being too woke

Butter-fingered cricket fielder let go

Calls for referendum on whether to believe King or Spencer

Man who stalked nuns claims he was only following orders

Trump wants journalists to be fair and preferably blonde

Vinyl forger made record profits


Matilda 

           

ADVERTISMENT - Why buy a toyota, when you could have a real ota

Ban on men wearing black circumvented by them all wearing pink

Ireland has no oil. Trump leaves early and dejected

Migrant claims to have used his own boat. It was the rubber yacht of Omar Khayyam

Pandas built musical instrument & played it to zoo spectators, creating a pandemonium

Poacher grilled

Price of ammunition for guns rises dramatically. Army shell shocked


mcdabble 

     

Apple Folds

Church of England to introduce robot vicars

Data centres can save the high-street, says report

Jaguar Land Rover Crashes

Patients given dementia-causing drugs score better in patient satisfaction polls, say doctors

Pensioners to get more and less

Prisoners to be housed in asylum hotels

UK terrorist threat level goes from 'Severe' to 'Still Severe'

UK to pay Republic Of Piddington to take asylum seekers

White House releases statement denying Trump is a Russian asset


Modelmaker

  

Animator who trained at Disney Studios told by BBC, he has a Mickey Mouse degree

Danny Tommo arrested for having a slash in public

Scientist who stood on the shoulders of giants regrets treading in dog crap


mrstrellis

        

Center Parcs to participate in early release scheme


robfalconer 

  

MPs who voted against Assisted Dying all have shares in Swissair


rogt  

   

Winner of TV sewing competition now on the mend


santosh  

         

Men who want to ban the burqa make their protest wearing balaclavas


scribbles   

     

Ancient tapestry discovered depicting Welsh history. It’s the Boyo Tapestry

Beehive thief caught following a sting

Dog accessories stolen from local pet shop. Police say there are no leads

Donald Trump announces he’s the next James Bond

Driver says when his satnav stopped working, he didn’t know which way to turn

Fired set designer leaves without making a scene

Man fainted on ferris wheel. Paramedics say he’s coming round now

Man wearing orthopaedic shoes stands corrected

Man who always gives 110% loses his job as an exam marker

Man who sells sheepskin coats is accused of fleecing his customers

Man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran

Man who was sold fake fishing equipment fell for it - hook, line and sinker

Mystery solved, as Pope caught defecating in the Bois de Boulogne

N.A.T.S.: No Aircraft Today. Sorry!

Sheep dog with 3 legs is diagnosed as having the Collie-wobbles

Sketch artist says blunt pencils are pointless

Trump bans Canadian shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again!

Unsatisfactory hosiery model is told she needs to pull her socks up


sinnick   

         

Trump tells Ireland's leaders to rename British Isles as Irish Isles


Sketchly


Andy Burnham introduces Larry-The-Cat-In-The-North

Prince William refers to Harry as an 'Anus Horribilis'

Race to top the charts heats up following spate of musician deaths


Throngsman  


Orangemen disagree with the orange man


Titus

   

Being bullied is a laugh a minute, ain't it?

'Hitler's last emails' now thought to be fake

Man who complained about his hospital treatment described as 'critical'


tonymc   

         

Drop in small boat crossing disaster for Reform, says Farage

Farage sleaze, he's still a Tory at heart

Farage to change his name to Tom Tom Tommy Tom

Hooded man says he will carry on NOT donating to RNLI

Trump forces McDonalds to lose the Mc

UK closes borders with Piddington, withdraws all amenities

UN pass unanimous resolution: President Trump is a knob


wallydug   

      

BBC’s Ski Sunday to end. Presenters say it’s all downhill from here

Bin strike deal could be signed within weeks, council leader says; Union says ‘Rubbish’

Blindfold factory workers in the dark about their future

Bonfire night cancellation leaves plans up in smoke

Drones will not replace officers, says AI-generated police chief

Orange Order: 2 satsumas, 3 sweet clems and a can of Tango

Shoplifters even steal computer keybo





Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month August 2026

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
Aug 31




August saw Deskpilot win the title again, bur Scribbles came a creditable second with three FPs and 21 headlines.


Also good to see some new names on the leaderboard.


As usual, the full list of links to the FPs, NiBs and features is provided below the leaderboard, then in a new feature the full list of links to all the cartoons published this month with the winner of the Cartoon of the Month revealed at the end. Finally the full list of headlines published this month.




Front Page, News in Brief and Features



apepper




Benvoleo



Chipchase







Deskpilot













Dominic_mcg



eppursimuove







Fernandomando









Gerontius




gichowdotcom




greengrocer






identifyas



jeremynh




MartinH




McDabble



Midfield Diamond




Newsbiscuit



Newsbiscuit Editorial Team



NickB



robfalconer



rogt







Saraht



Scribbles






stewartbarclay






Sully




Throngsman






Titus





wallydug









Wrenfoe








writingbsl




Cartoons


Deskpilot








dominic_mcg




Lockjaw



































Modelmaker



















urbanhermit








Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with A more accurate depiction of Trump's 'war hero' AI pic


Headlines


adrian bamford   

       

Andy Burnham pledges stronger and more abundant sticking plasters

Missile strike on Russian Amazon hits warehouse next door

Plagiarism professor says his resignation is one small step for a man

Reforming the funeral industry to be a massive undertaking


apepper 

         

Shock as James Cleverly 'still a thing'


cliveosman    


The grass isn't always less brown on the other side


daveha     

       

ECB not sure handcuffs are conducive to bowling action

King announces extensive tour of everywhere else, starting this afternoon

Market news: Iceland referendum on EU membership; Netto considering joining NATO

Mladic prison cell to be ethically cleansed

Sturgeon moon inappropriate, Nicola admits

UK's rarest bird sent back for chef to cook it a bit longer


Deskpilot      

 

Climate change: Iceland now worried about wildfires

Duvet thief sent down

Exam results overshadowed by eclipse

Farage unable to find Clacton Leisure Centre

Gianni Infantino tipped to take over at Thames Water

Meghan to play La-La in Teletubbies reboot

Meredith Kercher's sister criticises knox-knox jokes

Model of squidgy clay man dated to the pleistocene era

'Near normal service' as Cross Country cancels all trains

Reform to take £50bn off the disabled, and trouser it

Trainee dog walker asks for pointers

Travelodge to remove locks from all guest rooms

Trump to start Hormuz Replacement Therapy


dominic_mcg 


Academic says resignation was entirely his own idea

Adulterous Scottish dancer having a fling

Immigrants now collecting Sea Miles, says Farage

Porridge factory workers slave away in gruelling conditions

Prison bunk beds to be fitted with extra levels

Starmer donates his biography to Downing Street library. Wobbly table now fixed


eppursimuove         

   

Farage appears on 3-2-1, goes home with Dusty Bin

Music breaks out at west London stabbing festival


gerontius    

    

Disposable BBQs to be made out of stable doors following overnight rain


ian searle      

 

Divers find 162-year-old Guinness in shipwreck, and it still hasn't settled

Fetishists welcome reduction in cost of school uniforms


jack the quipper        


As Hurricane Lala lashes Hawaii, Micronesia braces itself for Tinky-Winky, Dipsy and Po


jeremynh    

    

Labour renames Lake Windermere Lake Burnham


Lockjaw     

     

Is this the end for Gianni Finito?


MartinH   

       

Faulty kettle in signal box source of rail power outage

Moon urged to show restraint following SpaceX rocket attack


Matilda     

       

Burnham denies UK is Islamic republic through loud speaker in the Elizabeth Tower minaret

Clacton - bin there, done that

Low Manchester turnout. Residents feared losing benefits as voting could be

Many people wary of emergency sirens after seeing The Odyssey

Two loos Lautrec flushed with success

Voters out for the Count


mcdabble      


Met Office announces the return of weather for the week ahead

Trump demands payment for return of Harry


mick turate    


Daily Mail explains how solar eclipse will affect house prices


Modelmaker  


Alfalfa male opens vegan restaurant

String quartet accused of carrying out robbery with violins

Water companies blame firefighters for water shortage


robfalconer   


Government sends out emergency alert to tell people not to kill anybody


robowurzel 

    

Andrew offers Harry and Megan a Spare room until they find their own gaff


rogt   

  

Critics of Nolan's Odyssey accused of Homerphobia


rowly  


Can the UK ever get used to having a bloke for PM?

The Sun reports details of a major cover up later today...


scribbles 

       

A row broke out at a Kowloon table tennis match. It’s a Hong Kong ping-pong ding-dong

Animals at London Zoo complain of body shaming at annual weigh-in.

Astronomer says his career is looking up

Barmaid quit due to sexual harassment, after boss offered her a stiff one at closing time

Chimney sweep says his job has made him feel ill. He thinks it’s the flue

Female baker says men enjoy her firm baps, but don’t like her crusty bloomers

Gardener who fell in a pile of earth fears he has soiled himself

Hairdresser who fell in a vat of shampoo got herself into a lather

Impolite Scrabble player told to mind his Ps and Qs

Little girls left in tears as Burnham bans Barbies

Local cemetery is maintained by a skeleton staff

Man accused of stealing duvets found not quilty

Man who loves his job at the broom factory is bristling with enthusiasm

Man who was overcharged for a hive of bees says he’s been stung

Mental health centres to open in banks and libraries – if you can find one

Mountain climber says his career is on the rocks

Penile fillers are becoming more popular, despite concerns about inflation

Postman sacked after saying he’d come in a jiffy

Reform plan to abolish benefits system and bring back workhouses

Tom Jones releases updated version of his hit single - ‘The Brown Brown Grass of Home’

Woman jailed for witchcraft escapes after a spell in prison


sir lupus    


Pile of discarded eclipse glasses visible from moon


sketchly          


Flat Earthers get their excuses synchronised ahead of a very round solar eclipse

News that Harry and Meg...you've switched off, haven't you?

Trump to invent new countries after running out of real ones to fight with


sockpuppet   


Earth to be renamed Planet Trump


stewartbarclay      

     

Reform confirm that they only hire 'current' Neo Nazi activists

Trump unable to remember if he is or isn't bombing Iran


sydalg 


Deliveroo launches dine-and-dash getaway car service

Traffickers offering "3 drownings or less" express lane across Channel


Titus   


Canadians to rename Donald Trump 'America's Supreme Loser'

Duvet makers favour a blanket ban

Trump loses the plot, as well as the war


tonymc          

  

England Bowler shock ,who knew Derby had a nightclub?

Farage admits biggest fear: immigration might stop

Farage going door to door in his 1.4m house

Fergie arriving back in UK in the little helicopter

God misunderstood when Christians prayed for a Sign

I would have stopped Norman invasion, says Farage

Jenrick says legless man just using his crutch as a crutch

Kate & Wills send condolences to ( Add Name)

NIMBYs row over where to hold next meeting

Reform councillor resigns from Burnham's cabinet

Reform insists all bribes are covered by Official Secrets Act

Tories in battle to win the Racist vote


wallydug     

    

Iceland and Farmfoods to Merge to Become Farmland

Trump to rename the Earth 'America'


writingbsl    

   

Dolly Parted



bottom of page