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Writer's pictureThrongsman

Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month November 2024



The results this month have been dominated by Deskpilot, new writer Nicka, eppursimuove and James_doc, with the crown going to Deskpilot. Nicka has had a tremendous month so congrats.


As usual the cartoon of the month follows the leaderboard, as does the full list of headlines.






Front Page, News in Brief and Features


billclay



DavidH




Deskpilot












Doctor Chutney







eppursimuove















ian searle



James_doc












jeremynh




Jim Skinz




Lockjaw





lucienne




Nicka
















Sarah Tipper



Sir Lupus




SteveB



Stewartbarclay




Sully



Sydalg





tacitus





Throngsman



Walter Eagle



Will



Wrenfoe










Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw for David Coote to bring a 'refreshing change' to MOTD punditry


Headlines


apepper             


Spartacus's Facebook account cloned

Trump appoints Hannibal Lecter Secretary of Food Production


bigbadbob         


Arsonists Anonymous promise new members a warm welcome

New law regarding stalking is a step closer

Russian spy whale had a Licence to Krill

Storms blow Canaries to UK, Met Office issues a Yellow Feather Warning

Struggling tree surgery company to cut half its branches


Deskpilot   

        

AI Michael Parkinson savaged by AI Emu

Astronomer caught moonlighting

Busy gravedigger works himself into the ground

Democratic Party donors ask for refunds       

Farmer who fell under plough says the experience was harrowing

Fish thief left his dabs at the scene

French decide against candlelit reopening for Notre-Dame

Girl Guides to introduce money laundering badge

Hancock: NHS was 45 minutes from running out of PPE

Kemi Badenoch realises she has small shoes to fill

Kemi wins her first, and only, election

Lettuce shortage blamed on cos cutting

Lineker decision to face VAR review

Man City in new legal challenge against the offside rule

Man spends all his money in inheritance tax avoidance scheme

New cash for honours scandal as Olivia Colman gets Blue Peter badge

Petition to abolish 'signing for things' gets no signatures

Politician Associates could stand in for MPs

Prize winner has 100 gallons of gravy bisto-ed on him

Research paper on jetties hasn't been pier reviewed

Spray foam found in Boris's old house may not be roof insulation

Trainee air traffic controller finds things are going over his head

Trump appoints fracking idiot


Dick Everyman  


US Embassy to move to Clacton


docholiday        


Barrister ties contortionist up in knots

DIY store selling doors for £1.00 say there are no catches

Flasher admit previous convictions - many moons ago

Scotland celebrate coming second from bottom in Nations League footie


Doctor Chutney 


Archbishop accused of carrying a crook

Assisted Dying Bill gets a new lease of life

Chancer of the Exchequer

Gloves wishes husband would buy correct size

Students brand degree in Velcro Technology a rip-off


dominic_mcg    


Labour celebrates winning the next general election

Trump names Typhoid Mary as Health Secretary


Granger


Democracts united in blaming each other

JaGUar campaign mastermind revealed - Reg Perrin

King Herod awaiting Trump's call to take over childcare post


harrypalmer      


103% of Americans say election pollsters got it wrong


ian searle      

    

"Hi-Fi System without Woofers" rumour described as 'bass-less'

Dyslexic launderette owner anxiously awaiting 'Assisted Drying' result


Jack the Quipper         

   

IVF postcode lottery 'not fair' - "I didn't even want a baby" says pensioner

MPs to debate 'Deranged Foreign Leaders' section of Assisted Dying Bill

Netanyahu subject of ICC arrest warrant - apparently, IDF troops were jaywalking in Gaza

On Master Chef: The Professionals, Bodie blows up 2 ovens & Doyle falls for Monica Galetti

One day after US election Sky Atlantic release The Day of the Jackal

Trump appoints Farage as Secretary of State for Foreign Puppet Governments


james_doc         


Cheese Thief Held Under Emmental Health Act

Eric Morecombe auction catalogue has all the right lots, not necessarily in the right order

French Offer Ukraine Unlimited Supplies of White Flags

Gary Lineker to get Testimonial Episode of MOTD


jim Skinz          

  

After its "disruptive snow" warning, Met Office issues "bang-out-of-order hail" alert

Boardroom battle at tea-maker: You only get a coup with Typhoo

Captain Tom's family to star in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake

Case collapses in prosecution of luggage manufacturer

Child trapped inside Christmas grotto has Claustrophobia

Maker of bad sieves gets a re-straining order

Rachel Reeves' CV reveals she's been an astronaut, head of the UN and Archbishop of Canterbury


Joanne Starkie  


Harris Trumped


Lockjaw


Smithfield market for the chop


MADJEZ     

        

Capt Tom's family reveal house powered by him spinning in his grave


mcdabble        

  

Edinburgh zoo apologises after 'Pygmy Hippo' found to be bald sheep

Famous man dies. Nation braced for rush of sexual allegations

Man who bought full-fibre broadband still constipated

Met office issues yellow snow warning: Never eat it

Putin Put Out

Tories just as bad on the economy, but funnier, claims man in the pub

UK fully prepared for surprise at cold winter weather

Midfield Diamond          

Many Americans Gullible Again


Modelmaker    


House of Lords can't comment on new Tory leader until all peers have been woken up

Man told salt and pepper beard suits him, takes it as a condiment

Mancunian holidaymaker arrested in Valencia for taking the weather with him

The Czech's in the mail


MrQ     


American sailors accused of rigging votes

Ancient piece of cheese on toast discovery hailed as a rarebit

Anti-drug campaigners told to get off their high horse

Chance of successful Trump assassination described as a long shot

Cut this one thing out to drastically stop ageing... birthdays

Farmers told 'Enough of the aggro culture'

Man always making inappropriate jokes blames it on his gag reflex

Tranquil extremists claim responsibility for placid attacks

Voting in America has everyone in a state

Scribbles            

Make America Vote Again!!

New breed of dog cleans up after itself - it's called a Retriever-Poo


sinnick 


Hidden message in bottle revealed to be "2 Gold Tops please"


Sir Lupus        

   

Hospitals to make nurses walk round corner to smoke

Northern electricity customers to be offered smart pigeons


Sketchly      

       

All Welby that ended Welby

Labour Party unveil their new motto: ‘Not my problem!’

Small boats confusion as they all find themselves in Spain

Starmer first human to cross time barrier after back-pedalling at the speed of light


SteveB 


Democrazy

Result of tomorrow's free and fair US election announced today by Russia


stewartbarclay  


America shits the bed

Farm death tax 'Won't cost farming industry much' yet will raise tons of money for the govt?!


Titus     


MAGA - maybe another gunman awaits

New American administration 'admires Ukraine's spirit' but will sh!t on them anyway


Walter Eagle     


Blow me! I hope this doesn't give Johnson any ideas


will       


Wallace to head GB News cookery show





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