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Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month March 2026




Well, for the first time in a long time, we have a new WOTM. Well done jeremynh with a cracking score. To be fair, Desktop didn't give you an easy ride. Brilliant efforts both, as well as everyone else who was published in March. Keep it up!


As usual the Cartoon of the Month follows the list of links to all the subs, then the full list of headlines published this past month




Front Page, News in Brief and Features


Adrian Bamforth



antharrison



benjani




billclay










Chipchase






Chrisf





DannyDodger



Deskpilot












Dominic_mcg



eppursimuove








Gerontius





jeremynh
























Lockjaw




Midfield Diamond








Sketchly



Throngsman












Titus




Wrenfoe











Published cartoons this month have been submitted by: Billclay, Deskpilot, Lockjaw and Modelmaker


Cartoon of the month goes to Modelmaker with Lee explains Reform UK's answer to inflation


Headlines


Adrian Bamforth            


Alexa upgrade still won't open the pod bay doors

Bill Clinton testifies about when he licked Bush

Hello! magazine to launch Andrew Mountbatten spin-off: Barely Regal

Just Stop Oil still not happy

Rail travel to be cheaper if trains don't leave the station

Students just happy to get free drugs

UK to provide catering for US air bases in middle east


apepper             


Crackpots distance themselves from JD Vance

Reform blame "faulty pencils" for election losses


bigbadbob         


Andrew’s dentist not allowed to give him a crown

Climate change debates becoming increasingly heated

Trump admits talks with 'Top person' actually boss of local 'Persian Palace' kebab shop


BillClay 


The Brittin Broadcasting Corporation


Deskpilot           


90 million Iranians fancy their chances against 3,500 US troops

A Tiger can't change its stripes

Assisted dying bill suffers undignified death.

Australia announces new women's five a side football team

Cost of meningitis vaccines to be added to student loans

Crufts disappointment as Starmer fails to win best poodle

Formula 1 races cancelled due to cost of fuel

HS2 passengers will travel at replacement bus service speeds

Iran's new missile: the QatarPounder

Megaphone diplomacy: Trump managing fine without a megaphone

Meningitis outbreaks at all UK universities after Kent cancels exams

Miserly bartender makes a mean cocktail

Missile strike on school: US says it will learn lessons

Noemless

Real Tennis: players to be limited to biological toffs

Rogue staircase designer spirals out of control

Trump disappointed by failure to win Brit award

Trump to try Hormuz Replacement Therapy

Trump's surprise peace plan involves giving the Donbas to Iran

Vet bills restricted to a pony


dominic_mcg    


Failed heron breeder has no egrets

New ten pound note to feature two stray dogs shagging


gerontius           


‘Who is going to fix our IT problems if 5 year olds have restricted screen time?’ ask grandparents


granger 


Hormuz! Why did no one warn me says Trump

'Thanks, Trump', says Just Stop Oil


hokeyloki           


Evri says HMS Dragon out for delivery today

Trump invites CAF to review 2020 Election

HMS Sea Slug to be rushed to Cyprus

Operation 'Epic Tantrum' was rejected as too true

'Sink more tankers', plead oil firms

US operations move to second phase: Epic Blunder


MADJEZ             


Trump claims US missile turned Iranian leader gay before he died


McDabble


Addictive algorithms to be available in vape form

First UK pothole to be Grade II listed

Green Party promises to bring back the Wombles

Greens to make every policeman hug a tree

HS2mph

Just as Russia was running out of money for its war, Trump to the rescue!

Oil & gas prices soar - UK set for long cold summer

Oil prices down as US finds an Iranian official to speak to who hasn't been killed yet

'Sprinter' trains spotted with 'HS2' logos in surprise cost saving measure

Starmer proudly announces nothing and no action at all of any kind either way

Starmer proudly announces nothing and no action at all of any kind either way

Starmer speaks to public on obscure point of international law that he knows they care deeply about

'Trump is crazy like a fox' says man who never met a rabid fox

UK sends warship to Cyprus to arrive at the same time as US runs out of anti-drone missiles

UK to resume hunting whales for their oil

US forced to extend war due to lack of support from allies

White House announces today's objectives for the war


mick turate       


Trump puts boots on the ground. Soldiers to follow after bone spur checks


Modelmaker     


Dubai ex-pats will be required to bring the evaded tax with them, when boarding rescue planes

Revolt expected in USA as petrol prices near a quarter of what Brits get charged

Starmer to appoint Malcolm Tucker as emergency US ambassador

White House staff: 'We picked a heck of a week to give up sniffing glue'


Paul L   


Rumour Mills

Iran shrouded in the fog of peace talks


rogt      


Closure of Strait of Hormuz is no April Fuel


scronnygronkle 


Straights of Hormuz "Homophobic", say protesters


Sketchly


Chuck Norris alive again after decking Grim Reaper and taking his dinner money

Harry announces new book, 'Sparesies'


Titus    


Confused Trump accused of talking out of his elbow

Fertiliser shortage leads to growing problems

Iran's citizens viciously kept under control by Shia terror

Meningitis makes a pleasant relief from Donald Trump

New barometric border controls put officials under pressure

US objectives in Iran are 'Whatever they manage to achieve'

Worries about unauthorised weight-loss drugs 'not being taken lightly'


Tonymc


English Rugby say 4th defeat out of 5, best defeat yet

Folk who identify as Bears told to leave the cubs

Trump blames Sioux for Tomahawk attack on school

Trump insists, blood on my hands makes them softer

Trump to decide whether UK can have nuclear weapons

US can use UK bases only for peaceful bombing


Walter Eagle     


Trump shortly to claim he's stopped 9 wars

 

 

 

 



Harry whines about William like anyone cares any more


"William might take away our titles when he's king," Harry grizzled to the media last week.


"I realise that the world is facing an escalating war in the Middle East which could tip it into recession, hitting struggling families in the UK very hard indeed," continued the ex-royal prince - or duke, or whatever he's become - from his mansion in California.


"So I appreciate the personal issues of a self-obsessed aristocrat and his vain actress wife might not matter quite so much to people as they used to.


"But William might take away our meaningless titles!


"Waah!"


image from Grok

Spurs’ revolving door “could be unlimited source of clean energy”


As Tottenham Hotspur sacks another manager after six weeks, scientists have speculated that the revolving door through which spent managers are ejected, and new useful idiots lured into the job, could provide an unlimited source of clean energy.


“All electricity generation, from coal to nuclear, is based on getting a magnet to rotate within a coil,” explained a boffin today. “And it just occurred to me that this constantly revolving door at Three Points… sorry, White Hart Lane is a resource we just aren’t using.


”After all, it’s sustainable - there seems to be no shortage of idiots who’ll take the job, no matter how disastrous it was for everyone before them. Long term, I suppose it’s possible Spurs might start to do well and keep their manager for more than a couple of months - but it clearly won’t be in the near future.”


Meanwhile, former Spurs manager Juande Ramos was baffled to receive a letter from his old club including an electricity bill for £10,000.


When he protested it was nothing to do with him, they said “Sorry mate - you were the last person in the trophy room in 2008, and you left the lights on.”


image from Grok

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