Following the gunning-down of Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse, in Minneapolis ICE has expressed ‘deep regret’ that he was ‘only’ a nurse.
‘Obviously we want to kill really nice people’, a spokesman said. ‘If we just kill criminals or, I dunno, blacks, it won’t have the same shock value. We really want to see some paediatric oncologists protesting, or maybe a Catholic nun? A nun might do it’.
In the hierarchy of ‘audience members stand-up comedians are most wary of’, paediatric oncologists are number 1 – which also makes them ICE’s #1 target.
‘The Fuhrer, sorry, President can’t invoke the Insurrection Act on a whim’, the ICE spokesman said with a chuckle. ‘Okay, he can – but it would be a lot better if there were some riots first. Hey, do you think we could get some clowns? Like, big shoes, red noses, custard pies? If we gunned them down in the street - that should work, shouldn’t it?’