Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month January 2026
- Throngsman
- 8 minutes ago
- 7 min read
Deskpilot has started as he finished last year, way out in front with nearly sixty points. Some great contributions and it's notable that mcdabble and Tonymc are both giving Deskpilot a run for his money in the headlines arena.
As usual the links to all the published subs are below the leaderboard followed by the Cartoon of the month and tailed by the full list of published headlines this past month.
Front Page, News in Brief and Features
apepper
billclay
Chipchase
Chrisf
Deskpilot
eppursimuove
FlashArry
ian searle
James_Doc
jeremynh
Lockjaw
McDabble
Midfield Diamond
Modelmaker
Newsbiscuit
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Oshaughnessy
philsmith
Robowurzel
Scribbles
SteveB
stewartbarclay
Sully
Throngsman
Titus
Wrenfoe
Cartoons
Cartoons published this month have been created by (in alphabetical order): Bill Clay, Deskpilot, Dominic_mcg, Lockjaw and Modelmaker
Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with So this is homeland security, Kristi Noem?
Headlines
Adrian Bamforth
Blindfolded Maduro still hoping it's going to be a really big birthday cake
Days to get longer. Minutes to stay the same
bigbadbob
“She said she was 18” replies Trump when asked about possible hearing loss
Camouflage tracksuits prove you can run AND you can hide
Hungry racist torn between Indian or Chinese takeaway
Manhattan Psychiatric Center renamed Trump Home for the Criminally Insane
Old school TV chef says fad for Crepe Suzette is just a flash in the pan
Reform hoovering up Tories like a dog does stale crisps off a pub carpet
BillClay
Iran changes its name to Greenland
Deskpilot
Beware of Groks bearing GIFs
Downhill skier goes into a decline
Eight surprise takeaways from the Fast Food Awards
England still reassuringly crap at cricket
Fudgeitsu boss quits
Greenland to rename its capital city Epstein
Impoverished drug dealer is on his uppers
Jenrick: Tories were bad, but I can make Reform worse
Keir Starmer bans sparklers
Long wait for appointments at longevity clinic
More Epstein files released, so Iran attack imminent
Reform promise that storms will only have proper English names
Scottish fire service not looking forward to Burns night
Smart car, smart watch and smart TV not helping, says stupid person
Trump claims Blair can deliver peace in 45 minutes
Trump finally decides against supporting murder in cold blood
US bombs Iraq after embarrassing spelling mistake
Why is Keir on top of Everest? Practising his climbdowns
dominic_mcg
Martin Luther King Day to be renamed 'Donald Trump Day'
Memory foam mattress diagnosed with dementia
granger
ICE now count mobile phone as deadly weapon
International pizza day falls flat
Tory big-hitter demands boost in proofreading standards
hokeyloki
Trump goes Caracas
ian searle
"It was a First Aid class and I was administering CPR" says Andrew
Giving away island sovereignty act of stupidity, says man who wants to be given island
Tearful Carol Kirkwood announces she is to leave BBC, and join Reform
US to bring in plans to ban Presidents from social media
jeremynh
Lickspittle Farage flies to US to watch 'Melania'
jim skinz
Farage rules out Truss defection: 'We're not that desperate'
Sting: I can't, I can't, I can't standing losing £500k
Trump impeached for failing to call something 'beautiful'
Trump nominated for best inanimate feature at Oscars
Tyson Fury, 98, comes out of retirement for the 47th time
Lockjaw
Is ICE on a slippery slope?
mcdabble
2026: Like 2025, but worse
Board Of Peace to turn all conflict zones into golf courses and spa resorts
Iran in Shia Chaos
London cab firm to offer 'banter service' to users of driverless cabs
Moribundicoin. You can take it with you
Normans outraged at leasehold law changes
Potholes to be used to store excess floodwater
South East Water blames 'wrong kind of cold' for cracking pipes
Starmer govt to pioneer the self-reversing decision
The first rule of Starmer club is you don't talk about Venezuela
Trump to impose tariffs on everyone until they forget about the Epstein files
US forces capture Danish PM
micca
Trump's Bored of Peace
Modelmaker
Irony as yanks use 2nd amendment right to protect themselves from their government
James Bond to receive pension boost if he takes on 'last job' of assassinating Trump
Reform UK wins contract to determine Tory party policy
Taxiless drivers to offer piggybacks to Londoners in September
Trump deletes last 125 years of American history
philsmith
Greenland changes name to Scienceland to confuse Americans
rogerg
Amazon fires 16,000 workers by asking Alexa to do it
rowly
Kellog to give Nobel prize in every packet of Cornflakes
Trump says he sent Help to Iran via Evri
sinnick
Man who eats mints before going online has a Tic Tac TikTok tactic
Nigella Lawson attracts many middle-aged master bakers to Bake Off
Sir Lupus
Being 37 in Minneapolis apparently a capital offence
Trump volunteers to go to Afghan front line
sketchly
Met Office confirms all 2026 storms will be named by the drunkest person in the room
NASA plans first trip to the moon since those pretendy times
Plans to ban Twitter in tatters as Starmer accidentally turns up to work in a bikini
Stock price of US flag maker soars as new star gets added
Time for tough decisions to be made. Starmer moves his office to under his bed
spa99ers
ICE agents deport Maduro back to Venezuela
SteveB
ICE kidnappings surpass those of Jack Bauer's daughter in 24
SteveB
Trump vows to run Venezuela. Dry
sully
XTC's 'We're Only Making Plans For Nigel' still #1 in Russia
sydalg
Naked emperor begs: 'Grok, put some new clothes on me!
Titus
Alleged dissent within Afghanistan leadership dismissed as Talibanter
'Celebrity Traitor Chef Island On Ice' cancelled after complaints about the lack of dancing
Grok introduces Pay-to-Perv
ICE agents complain 'Eradicating immigrants will take forever if we kill them one-at-a-tim
Maduro applies for US citizenship
Maduro relieved not to get the Bin Laden treatment
New word for infantile rant: Temper Tantrump
Trump promises to end Greenland's 'McDonalds Desert'
Trump tells all other nations to hand over their dinner-money
tonymc
Ban on criminals voting will not include House of Lords
Cornwall : we voted Brexit to stop foreign storms
Harrow school denies wife beating is on curriculum
Little Englanders shocked St George wasn't from Clacton
Monster Raving Loonies refuse to join Reform UK
Oscar for Trump or Hollywood gets sanctions
Tax evading ex minster says Reform is my spiritual home
Trump says my WW3 will be greatest WW3 ever
Trump to buy back Miss Teen USA pageant or just take it
World wishes Trump would go back to playing golf
Walter Eagle
Macron gains credibility by styling the Bono-look
