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Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month May 2024



Another great month for Deskpilot, and this time he doesn't have to share first place. In fact, he is far and away in the lead by a country mile. SteveB has had a cracking month, too, scoring in all of the categories.


Eppursimuove has had a fantastic month as well with five front pages and six NiBs.


As usual, the full list of links to these subs are below the leaders board, as is the link to the cartoon of the month and the full list of headlines for this month





Front Page, News in Brief and Features


Adrian Bamforth



apepper






bigbadbob



billclay





Chipchase





Chrisf




Deskpilot













eppursimuove













Granger




hrp27



Ian Searle




Jack the Quipper



jeremynh




Lockjaw



McDabble



Midfield Diamond



Modelmaker



Robowurzel



Sir Lupus



Sketchly



SteveB














Stewartbarclay











Sully



Sydalg



Throngsman







Walter Eagle




Wrenfoe











Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with Meanwhile, in Ancient Greece ...


Headlines


Adrian Bamforth  

          

Homophobic Iranian President went down on big chopper


apepper   

          

Delicate negotiations might persuade USA to move "S" from "Legos" to end of "Math"


apepper     

        

ICC warrant for Netanyahu makes Ashes selection "unlikely"


Man who bred six seater horse admits he's got a lot riding on it


NHS order too many prosthetic limbs; hospitals up in arms


Sunak ignores teams of fat ladies singing outside Downing Street


Supermarket shelf stacker moved from laundry products is out of his comfort zone


Beau-Jolly     

    

Eurovision: "Not over until the bearded lady sings"


bigbadbob    

     

Boris forgot ID but at least this time wore trousers


billclay 


SNP to elect new up and coming leader: Elizabeth McTruss


Deskpilot     

      

All Universities required to become Diversities


Braverman criticises Sunak: inside the tent, pissing in


Comedian risks jail time for violating gag order


Diane Abbott to join Tories


Doctors concerned as Trump decides not to speak in court


Free Julian Assange! (buyer collects)


I'm trying to give up being a pirate, but the patches aren't working


Impoverished sado-masochist is strapped for cash


International Court of Justice orders tide not to come in


Keir Starmer plans quadruple pension lock


Keir's taking the election so seriously that he's washed his hair


Labour party surprised to find no billboards available anywhere in Britain


Labour plans restrictions on cartoons? Keir Starmer won't be drawn


Meringue making champion beaten by a whisker


Naked cribbage player scores one for his nob


Nigel Farage offers to lead SNP


Pals with receding hairlines say they go back a long way


Parasite found in Devon water is 'not Prince Harry'


Prince William accidentally calls the FA Cup 'Dad'


Raspberry ice cream causes ripple of excitement


Rishi goes a whole week without talk of a leadership contest


Stormy Denials


Sunak turns down invitation to appear on I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue


Tories forecast to lose Eurovision


Tories suffering from electoral dysfunction


Trump begs stupid people to send him money


Trump not let off


Water companies to dispose of sewage in white balloons


Welsh First Minister sacks assembly member over leeks


dominic_mcg    


David Cop-a-feel


Ed Davey shows Sunak how to get drenched in style


Straight man caught enjoying Eurovision


granger 


Humza Yousaf - Glaswegian for hum that yourself.


Hokeyloki          


Last week's racing at Devon - Jumps at Newton Abbot, Trots at Brixham


Sacked tattooist drew on friends for support


ian searle      

    

Cocaine worth £40 million found in car park still not enough to pay for two hours parking


Customers advise South West Water to boil their heads


Diane Abbott told to defect


Eurovision remains neutral as Switzerland wins song contest


Hovercraft engineer accused of up-skirting


Last ever episode of the long running sitcom 'The Tory Party' confirmed for this year


Tories ask, "Can we have our MP's back, please?"


Tory Party votes to allow woke members


Vennells told she is in 'la-la land', but records show it was Emma Stone


Jack the Quipper      

      

2024 General Election renamed 'Pin The Tail On The Donkey'


Floor of Commons renamed 'Rubicon'


Greens upset Scots - and not for the first time...


Hamas confirm they will hand over the remaining hostages when they find enough coffins


NHS offers hospital beds via Booking.com


NI government to fit revolving door to Stormont


Starmer's focus shifts from small boats to asylum seeking Tory MPs


Under 9s sex education lessons moved to bike sheds


jbpage  


Attila the Hun joins Labour - but Karl Marx banned for life


Post Office paid Paula Vennells 5 million pounds to know nothing about anything


Tories to re-introduce British Empire


jim Skinz    

        

Boats on all English rivers now required to have a poop deck


Boeing banned from appearing in The Great British Take Off


Pickpocket Of The Year winner walks off with top prize


Tories unveil Stop The Turncoats campaign


Joanne Starkie


Things Can Only Get Wetter for Sunak


mcdabble     

     

In politics, expect the unexpecrickey!


Netanyeehaa!


NHS to hire orangutans as part of new cost saving plan


NHS trusts to be run solely by ChatGPT


Thames Water in talks to buy North Korean balloon waste disposal technology


Modelmaker     


14th birthday party held for town's pothole


Army will teach teenagers how to fight with knives properly


Eamonn Holmes will be Ruthless after divorce say tabloids


Monty Panesar puts new spin on his reason for leaving George Galloway's party


Sunak having emergency surgery for gasted flabber


Tree Fellers charged over Sycamore Gap scandal, but only two appeared in court


Not Titus           


Tories lead UK to Eurovision Zero!


robowurzel2     


Suella Braverman insists she is not Spartacus


rogerg  


RHS President, Keith Weed, denies he is a plant


sinnick 


Scientists identify Dyslexia gene in NDA


Sketchly        

     

Introducing: The Swiss Army Spoon


Woman claims she is being Gaslighted. Man corrects her - ‘Gaslit’


SteveB 


Aviation regulator grounds all flying carpets


'Circular saw terrible at cutting circles' says bad workman


Former Lib Dem Liz Truss crosses floor to Labour 'to complete the triple'


Gove quits, but this is not a reference to cocaine


Journalist in toilet warns that her report contains flush photography


Pope Catholic, bear sh!ts in woods, Trump guilty


Rayner cleared but now being investigated for wasting police time


Strange colourful lights in the sky just seepage from ABBA hologram concert


stewartbarclay  


Charles: 'Can you make it look like I'm bathing in the blood of my enemies?'


Diddy? Yes. He did


Titus     


Baker street sewer blocked - no sh!t, Sherlock


Compensation to be paid via Post Office to avoid errors & delays


Paula Vennells adopts the Manuel defence - 'I know n-o-thing!'


Tearful Paula Vennells seeks post as CEO of water works company


Walter Eagle     


'Mange' - Starmer seeks the canine vote


Next Chelsea manager to be on zero hours contract


will       


Rishi Sunak - The Wet Man of Europe




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