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Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month May 2024

Another great month for Deskpilot, and this time he doesn't have to share first place. In fact, he is far and away in the lead by a country mile. SteveB has had a cracking month, too, scoring in all of the categories.

Eppursimuove has had a fantastic month as well with five front pages and six NiBs.

As usual, the full list of links to these subs are below the leaders board, as is the link to the cartoon of the month and the full list of headlines for this month

Front Page, News in Brief and Features

Adrian Bamforth










Ian Searle

Jack the Quipper




Midfield Diamond



Sir Lupus







Walter Eagle


Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with Meanwhile, in Ancient Greece ...


Adrian Bamforth  


Homophobic Iranian President went down on big chopper



Delicate negotiations might persuade USA to move "S" from "Legos" to end of "Math"



ICC warrant for Netanyahu makes Ashes selection "unlikely"

Man who bred six seater horse admits he's got a lot riding on it

NHS order too many prosthetic limbs; hospitals up in arms

Sunak ignores teams of fat ladies singing outside Downing Street

Supermarket shelf stacker moved from laundry products is out of his comfort zone



Eurovision: "Not over until the bearded lady sings"



Boris forgot ID but at least this time wore trousers


SNP to elect new up and coming leader: Elizabeth McTruss



All Universities required to become Diversities

Braverman criticises Sunak: inside the tent, pissing in

Comedian risks jail time for violating gag order

Diane Abbott to join Tories

Doctors concerned as Trump decides not to speak in court

Free Julian Assange! (buyer collects)

I'm trying to give up being a pirate, but the patches aren't working

Impoverished sado-masochist is strapped for cash

International Court of Justice orders tide not to come in

Keir Starmer plans quadruple pension lock

Keir's taking the election so seriously that he's washed his hair

Labour party surprised to find no billboards available anywhere in Britain

Labour plans restrictions on cartoons? Keir Starmer won't be drawn

Meringue making champion beaten by a whisker

Naked cribbage player scores one for his nob

Nigel Farage offers to lead SNP

Pals with receding hairlines say they go back a long way

Parasite found in Devon water is 'not Prince Harry'

Prince William accidentally calls the FA Cup 'Dad'

Raspberry ice cream causes ripple of excitement

Rishi goes a whole week without talk of a leadership contest

Stormy Denials

Sunak turns down invitation to appear on I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue

Tories forecast to lose Eurovision

Tories suffering from electoral dysfunction

Trump begs stupid people to send him money

Trump not let off

Water companies to dispose of sewage in white balloons

Welsh First Minister sacks assembly member over leeks


David Cop-a-feel

Ed Davey shows Sunak how to get drenched in style

Straight man caught enjoying Eurovision


Humza Yousaf - Glaswegian for hum that yourself.


Last week's racing at Devon - Jumps at Newton Abbot, Trots at Brixham

Sacked tattooist drew on friends for support

ian searle      


Cocaine worth £40 million found in car park still not enough to pay for two hours parking

Customers advise South West Water to boil their heads

Diane Abbott told to defect

Eurovision remains neutral as Switzerland wins song contest

Hovercraft engineer accused of up-skirting

Last ever episode of the long running sitcom 'The Tory Party' confirmed for this year

Tories ask, "Can we have our MP's back, please?"

Tory Party votes to allow woke members

Vennells told she is in 'la-la land', but records show it was Emma Stone

Jack the Quipper      


2024 General Election renamed 'Pin The Tail On The Donkey'

Floor of Commons renamed 'Rubicon'

Greens upset Scots - and not for the first time...

Hamas confirm they will hand over the remaining hostages when they find enough coffins

NHS offers hospital beds via

NI government to fit revolving door to Stormont

Starmer's focus shifts from small boats to asylum seeking Tory MPs

Under 9s sex education lessons moved to bike sheds


Attila the Hun joins Labour - but Karl Marx banned for life

Post Office paid Paula Vennells 5 million pounds to know nothing about anything

Tories to re-introduce British Empire

jim Skinz    


Boats on all English rivers now required to have a poop deck

Boeing banned from appearing in The Great British Take Off

Pickpocket Of The Year winner walks off with top prize

Tories unveil Stop The Turncoats campaign

Joanne Starkie

Things Can Only Get Wetter for Sunak



In politics, expect the unexpecrickey!


NHS to hire orangutans as part of new cost saving plan

NHS trusts to be run solely by ChatGPT

Thames Water in talks to buy North Korean balloon waste disposal technology


14th birthday party held for town's pothole

Army will teach teenagers how to fight with knives properly

Eamonn Holmes will be Ruthless after divorce say tabloids

Monty Panesar puts new spin on his reason for leaving George Galloway's party

Sunak having emergency surgery for gasted flabber

Tree Fellers charged over Sycamore Gap scandal, but only two appeared in court

Not Titus           

Tories lead UK to Eurovision Zero!


Suella Braverman insists she is not Spartacus


RHS President, Keith Weed, denies he is a plant


Scientists identify Dyslexia gene in NDA



Introducing: The Swiss Army Spoon

Woman claims she is being Gaslighted. Man corrects her - ‘Gaslit’


Aviation regulator grounds all flying carpets

'Circular saw terrible at cutting circles' says bad workman

Former Lib Dem Liz Truss crosses floor to Labour 'to complete the triple'

Gove quits, but this is not a reference to cocaine

Journalist in toilet warns that her report contains flush photography

Pope Catholic, bear sh!ts in woods, Trump guilty

Rayner cleared but now being investigated for wasting police time

Strange colourful lights in the sky just seepage from ABBA hologram concert


Charles: 'Can you make it look like I'm bathing in the blood of my enemies?'

Diddy? Yes. He did


Baker street sewer blocked - no sh!t, Sherlock

Compensation to be paid via Post Office to avoid errors & delays

Paula Vennells adopts the Manuel defence - 'I know n-o-thing!'

Tearful Paula Vennells seeks post as CEO of water works company

Walter Eagle     

'Mange' - Starmer seeks the canine vote

Next Chelsea manager to be on zero hours contract


Rishi Sunak - The Wet Man of Europe

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